VN Ren'Py The Entrepreneur [v0.2] [MisterMaya]

5.00 star(s) 5 Votes

botc76

The Crawling Chaos, Bringer of Strange Joy
Donor
Oct 23, 2016
4,402
13,138
I wanted to give this a try, but I honestly couldn't.
Had to stop a few minutes in, after I had already started skipping through some dialogue.
It's not that the English is completely horrible or that you can't understand it at all, but it just reads so weird, so completely without flow and the characters keep on using weird sentences and say really weird shit, which might of course be perfectly fine in French, but since the game is in English...
The story... IDK if it changes, but for now it is just the usual father died, son comes home story, just that he moves in with women who are not related to him.

I don't want to judge too harshly, this is just the beginning, the dev might improve a lot during a few updates time, but for now I'll stop playing, because if I continue and rate the game now, it would be a really low rating.

One thing that really irked me though, the MCs mother died during birth, and I figure that the marriage with MCs father was a happy one, so all things considered, even though it was also the MCs birthday, it is still weird to have someone call the day his wife died "the best day of his life."
There are many ways to express the sentiment the dev is going for here, without making it seem as if the father doesn't give a fuck that his wife died to give birth.


That being said, I will wait a few months and then check how the writing and storyline develops. Good luck with the project.
 
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MisterMaya

Member
Game Developer
Apr 25, 2021
376
1,673
I wanted to give this a try, but I honestly couldn't.
Had to stop a few minutes in, after I had already started skipping through some dialogue.
It's not that the English is completely horrible or that you can't understand it at all, but it just reads so weird, so completely without flow and the characters keep on using weird sentences and say really weird shit, which might of course be perfectly fine in French, but since the game is in English...
The story... IDK if it changes, but for now it is just the usual father died, son comes home story, just that he moves in with women who are not related to him.

I don't want to judge too harshly, this is just the beginning, the dev might improve a lot during a few updates time, but for now I'll stop playing, because if I continue and rate the game now, it would be a really low rating.

One thing that really irked me though, the MCs mother died during birth, and I figure that the marriage with MCs father was a happy one, so all things considered, even though it was also the MCs birthday, it is still weird to have someone call the day his wife died "the best day of his life."
There are many ways to express the sentiment the dev is going for here, without making it seem as if the father doesn't give a fuck that his wife died to give birth.


That being said, I will wait a few months and then check how the writing and storyline develops. Good luck with the project.
I understand how you feel.
I've played games where the writing makes it awkward, and impossible to play.
The story too, I understand, can throw most people off.

I try to improve each and every day to make my game better overall.
You also have a point on the way the father described MC's birth day, I'll have to fix this then.

Anyway, thanks for trying the game and I hope you'll like it if eventually you end up playing it :)
 
Sep 3, 2020
4,105
25,219
I wanted to give this a try, but I honestly couldn't.
Had to stop a few minutes in, after I had already started skipping through some dialogue.
It's not that the English is completely horrible or that you can't understand it at all, but it just reads so weird, so completely without flow and the characters keep on using weird sentences and say really weird shit, which might of course be perfectly fine in French, but since the game is in English...
The story... IDK if it changes, but for now it is just the usual father died, son comes home story, just that he moves in with women who are not related to him.

I don't want to judge too harshly, this is just the beginning, the dev might improve a lot during a few updates time, but for now I'll stop playing, because if I continue and rate the game now, it would be a really low rating.

One thing that really irked me though, the MCs mother died during birth, and I figure that the marriage with MCs father was a happy one, so all things considered, even though it was also the MCs birthday, it is still weird to have someone call the day his wife died "the best day of his life."
There are many ways to express the sentiment the dev is going for here, without making it seem as if the father doesn't give a fuck that his wife died to give birth.


That being said, I will wait a few months and then check how the writing and storyline develops. Good luck with the project.
brother I have a reading disability

but I had no problem with the writing

and yes you are right there are a lot of stories where the parent dies but

the difference in this story is that you are actually seeing the main character grieve over the loss of the parent

it is not just mentioned once and then forgotten about
 

BGRW2020

Well-Known Member
Jul 8, 2020
1,834
1,754
To be honest I like the story all except the crooked bitch false friend and her husband criminal which I really don't know why all stories have to have. The main story is quite good enough without the bull about the crooked criminal element trying to interfer with the honest working people, we readers read these stories to escape the daily bull in life and would really like to not have this in these stories as well.
I hope you the Dev are going to not destroy the MC's dreams and his friends dreams. Laurie is a sweet women who really doesn;t deserve the crappy friend she believes is her friend,
 
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5.00 star(s) 5 Votes