Ren'Py Abandoned A Sister's Love [v0.4] [BlackStar.Gamez]

4.10 star(s) 10 Votes
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dizkord

Guest
Guest
Generally speaking, I like the way the story is headed, I like the art, and I like the kiss sequence (i.e. not a gobbo staring at you with a half-open mouth). However, the writing itself ("to" instead of "too", excessive use of the word "our", etc.). The excessive use of the word "our" is the one that really gets me. It seems forced. Nobody says "our mom", "our aunt", or "our dad". "Mom", "Aunt Sally (or whatever name)", and "Dad" are just better ways of communicating -- more natural.
 

Afflyction

Member
Game Developer
May 7, 2017
190
613
Generally speaking, I like the way the story is headed, I like the art, and I like the kiss sequence (i.e. not a gobbo staring at you with a half-open mouth). However, the writing itself ("to" instead of "too", excessive use of the word "our", etc.). The excessive use of the word "our" is the one that really gets me. It seems forced. Nobody says "our mom", "our aunt", or "our dad". "Mom", "Aunt Sally (or whatever name)", and "Dad" are just better ways of communicating -- more natural.
I agree with the "our". I noticed that too. I'll get it fixed. I don't have much experience in the story telling department which anyone can see but I should be able to fix it without breaking saves. I will try to get a fix before next release if I have the time or it will be fixed with the next version.
 
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215303j

Guest
Guest
I wouldn't worry about breaking saves too much at the moment.
 

9thCrux

--Waifu maker--
Game Developer
Oct 22, 2017
844
3,216
I like how she looks, Blaire is very attractive, I'm not sure if you have made changes to her appearance but she looks almost like "out the box" with no changes.

Don't really think that is a big problem but some people can get put off by that, she looks the same in a couple of other games.

Seems like a nice and clean story so far, maybe is gonna be a heartwarming love story without much drama and weird kinks... (I hope)
 
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User_14600

Guest
Guest
I really like the beginning! Looking forward to see more great updates!
 

Sun Quan

Newbie
Oct 10, 2017
56
112
Good start so far.

At first I thought the sister was acting a bit too unnaturally, jumping from sad to happy to annoyed, but once the MC mentioned the same thing and I discovered it was intentional I was OK with it. Their interaction is cute, the hints at family drama are decent if a bit cliche, and I'm already curious to see what about their father's hospitalization is so upsetting that the sister had to run to MC's house in the middle of the night. The models and backgrounds are well chosen, I like the sister's look a lot.

I felt like there was a lot of unnecessary one-choice-only button pushing like one sees in Dating my Daughter, "Go to the kitchen," "Take a shower," "Lob thy holy hand grenade," etc... It's not really adding anything to the game nor making me feel more interactive, so maybe consider thinning them out in the future?

At any rate, good game so far, a nice intro for a 0.1. Looking forward to playing more.
 

EvilMonkey

Active Member
Aug 20, 2017
542
837
....this is my first time actually writing a story....​
First an admission, I've not played this demo but this snippet really caught my eye. I applaud your ambition but I think maybe you should (along with a lot of other developers) write some stories and get some feedback before actually basing an entire game around one of yours. Practice and experience will help you more than just letting rip and going at it with near live criticism of your work occurring on the 'net.
 

vir_cotto

Engaged Member
Aug 9, 2017
2,859
13,488
Now, this is a cute little game.
At first, I thought it's a rip-off of My Strange Sis (very similar beginning of the story), but I'm glad I was wrong.
I don't know how "big" dev's planning game to be (I mean, how many characters), but the potential is here.
 

Afflyction

Member
Game Developer
May 7, 2017
190
613
Now, this is a cute little game.
At first, I thought it's a rip-off of My Strange Sis (very similar beginning of the story), but I'm glad I was wrong.
I don't know how "big" dev's planning game to be (I mean, how many characters), but the potential is here.
If it was a close match, that wasn't my intention. I never played that one. That type char design doesn't appeal to me. I had no idea but thanks for letting me know. I don't plan on this being a quick to sex game and there will be other members of the family and not of the family. I have a vision and an end in mind but as for the length, I haven't decided. I just know it won't be short. I'm doing this as a hobby/side project so I will continue to update this either way. Odds are it will suit someones fancy.
 
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myuhinny

Devoted Member
Sep 7, 2017
8,364
6,348
I like the game so far and the sister model looks really nice and I'm also glad she's not another girl with bloated boobs and I see nothing wrong with the sister. I liked the little tab in the top left hand corner that showed you someone bio and unlocked pictures and that you'll also be able to look at animations there as well when they get added.

Looking forward to the next update. So keep up the great work.
 

Afflyction

Member
Game Developer
May 7, 2017
190
613
I like the game so far and the sister model looks really nice and I'm also glad she's not another girl with bloated boobs and I see nothing wrong with the sister. I liked the little tab in the top left hand corner that showed you someone bio and unlocked pictures and that you'll also be able to look at animations there as well when they get added.

Looking forward to the next update. So keep up the great work.
I was going to have a bio in that tab but I realized it was more of a wasted filler(imo at least) I just haven't thought of anything useful yet for it so I left it as WIP. As far as animations go, I want to add them but I'm currently trying to perfect it as well as I have seen in other games. Takes time I guess. I will have them there though.
 
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4.10 star(s) 10 Votes