Unity - Zelda: Moans of the kingdom [v1.0] [Locoto Studios]

  1. 1.00 star(s)

    chucklefuckarbys

    This is a fascinatingly bad game. It fails at basically everything it sets out to do: it fails at being a rhythm game, it fails at being sexy, and it fails at being an interesting use of the Zelda characters.

    A simple 2-button rhythm game is an absolutely fine model for an H-game, and there have been lots of developers that have achieved great success with that kind of gameplay. Unfortunately, this game's rhythm system is bafflingly terrible. None of the notes are timed particularly well to the song itself, so you're forced to time your note hits visually; however, if you have muscle memory from any other rhythm game ever, you will miss your timing. This is because once a note is aligned with the hit zone, it stops dead in its tracks and takes a split second to turn green, and then and only then does it count as a perfect hit. I have genuinely no idea why it would be programmed like this, but it makes playing even an extremely easy song a frustrating nightmare.

    When I played Locoto's previous game, Purah's Lab, I was somewhat confused that the majority of the H-scenes were just tepid, softcore animations of the characters dancing. However, I chalked this up to inexperience with 3D animation, and figured it would improve in their next title. However, the dancing in Moans of the Kingdom is basically unchanged, and it is still not particularly titillating. I appreciate the value of a good striptease routine, and think it can make for a perfectly serviceable reward in an H-game, but a nude character model flailing around in a blank white void lacks any of the sophistication or subtlety that generates appeal.

    Moans of the Kingdom also includes a few utterly insulting touches, such as locking basic modelswaps of the same dancing animations behind a "VIP code", and most gallingly of all, having mobile game-style "watch an ad to continue" prompts upon failing a song—something which, in the context of an H-game being distributed on Newgrounds, can really only elicit a response of "Who the hell do these developers think they are?"

    The writing makes it fairly clear that English is not the developers' first language, and that's not necessarily something one can fault them for. What one can fault them for, however, is seemingly having no interest in or passion for the Zelda games or their characters whatsoever. The characterization on display is extremely shallow and bland, and the game is set in a literal white void, presumably simply to avoid having to make further assets in the BotW/TotK style. The entire thing reeks of bandwagoning onto a highly popular game with easily available 3D models.

    I normally wouldn't be so harsh when reviewing the initial release of a game, especially when a developer is so new, but Locoto Studios' output so far has simply been so low-quality and displayed so little potential that my typical optimism fails me. If this developer is going to continue to make games, they need to do some serious self-examination on the fundamentals of game design and on what's motivating them to make games in the first place.