- Dec 30, 2017
- 397
- 229
Is there any screenshot for this, I'm tempted to play it from the premise but the picture on the first post really turns me off it.
HTML Abandoned The Enslavement of Theresa Simpson aka: Bastard Made Mom a Sex Slave [Ch. 1B] [Fugue]
- Thread starter Muff Diver
- Start date
- Dec 30, 2017
- 397
- 229
Thanks for the heads up, not really as bad as I thought, not my favourite, but I think I'll chance it for the sake of NTR.
- Aug 18, 2016
- 4,196
- 41,219
- Dec 30, 2017
- 397
- 229
The game itself is so so, but I do like the concept "Mom is being banged by rival", can anyone suggest any more games like that? I've been all over the NTR tag, played The Tyrant and Battle of the Bulge. I suppose it's not really NTR since it's just watching your mom get boned, if anyone has any games like this they recommend.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
You know, the game has some potential in concept, It's clear they are going for a very plot heavy game. However, there is a lot that bugs me about this game. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but As I read through the rest of the text story, (there's 6 parts to it currently), I figured it out. Theresa is very obviously a little. I mean even in her's & Artie's marriage, she was rather submissive to him, (the issue with the Thanksgiving turkey during the backstory video for example). So part of her infatuation with Brad was fueled by her formerly dormant little space being triggered by Brad's intrusion into their lives which went from outrage to obsession to infatuation to some sort of oddly self loathing, addiction like submission. This is actually the biggest part that I found really bothering me & it's not so much a dig at the game or the writer, just something that through no fault of the creator, well... Pissed me the fuck off. I mean borderline homicidally pissed me off. Clearly the writer was going for a form of DD/LG, (Daddy Dom / Little Girl), dynamic between Brad & Theresa. But it's exactly the wrong way to do it on all levels.
You see, I'm a Daddy Dom myself & 2 of my partners are littles. In the DD/LG community there are a ton of shit stain creepers that try to pass themselves off as daddies hoping to score some submissive, easy to control & manipulate girl that they can abuse & treat however they want without repercussions. They are without question the most predatory & toxic garbage people that exist. In the DD/LG community, we actually make it a point to look out for & protect littles from these kinds of scum fucks, Even littles that aren't our own, (within certain parameters & contexts). For example. The past 2 days were my days off. One of my littles, (I'll just call her Princess, as that is one of her preferred pet names), has been helping a fellow little friend of her's, (her nickname is Foxy), pack & get ready to move, as she is moving to Ohio to be with her Daddy & his wife. Foxy's Daddy made it a point to thank me for looking after Foxy over the past few days because the move process has been extremely stressful for her & he was glad that she had me here to look after her since he can't be here in person. See that's what REAL Daddies are. What real MEN are. A real Daddy loves & adores his little & showers them with love & affection. They provide stability, comfort, kindness & love to their little. Yes at times they may have to discipline & take a firm hand with their little too, but they do so with a certain measure of love & tenderness too, keeping their focus on what is best for their little. Most of all real Daddies love & respect their littles UNCONDITIONALLY. They are their biggest cheerleaders & supporters. Their confidant. Their Rock in the raging storm.
Brad in this game however, is just cancer. He clearly despises Theresa & her whole family & is only interested in using & abusing her & those dear to her until he gets bored & leaves them a broken shambles of a mess. He is the total antithesis of what a real Daddy is. I mean even how pathetic & insecure he is even shows through beneath his paper thin facade. My other little, (We'll just call her Kitten), had an ex daddy like this. The guy lives in Seattle. Unbeknownst to him, the only reason his worthless carcass still draws breath is because she made me promise not to hurt him, (which would be very easy as he lives a scant 300 miles away). Her boyfriend & I are both in agreement though, if he tries going after her again, all bets are off & he is free game for hunting. If this was a RL story & Brad was a RL character, by this point he would be beaten so viciously & brutally you would think he was worse off than Theon aka Reek from GoT.
That brings me to the other part that bugs me about this story. It, well... It doesn't make sense. Theresa is a normally sane, well balanced, married woman. This student of her's makes a bet with her husband that he can turn her whore, he briefly gets pissed, but then agrees to conspire with Brad because it get's him off & it suddenly makes him want to ruin her, despite still claiming he loves her because "the hornies are just too important". Then Brad shows up, talks some weak ass game, then Theresa is understandably outraged. Wash, rinse & repeat on day 2, but this time Brad kisses her & all her indignation & outrage just melts away from 1 single kiss, then from that, she becomes completely "I'm your biggest fan ~heavy breathing~" obsessed with him & from 1 single kiss, decides, "Yup, I'm going to toss my family, career & everything I hold dear & all my dignity & values out the window so I can dedicate my life to this pathetic shitheel's, (her own words on that last one), twisted desires because reasons.".
I mean shit man, I've seen post-modernists with a better grasp of human nature than this author seems to have. I mean I get the whole "suspension of disbelief" thing in fictional writing, but this is just absurd. Day 1, antagonist shows up uninvited at teachers house claiming she will beg for his cock, she realistically tells him to fuck off & don't pull that shit again or she will call the cops. Day 2, she's still telling him to fuck off until he kisses her, then she magically flips from her normal self to "this guy, whom I despised literally 2 seconds ago is now all that matters to me, even though I still hate him & now hate myself & my husband for letting him completely destroy our lives, & I hate that this is happening & it makes me feel so much loss & shame & self loathing & I'm now such a wretch that I would rather my own son hates me & abandons me forever so that he doesn't have to see me like this, yet I'd be willing to kill my own kid for this fucker that, again, I hate, because I'm so inexplicably addicted to him FROM ONE FUCKING KISS". I'm sorry but any immersion in the story is GONE at that point. At least up until then, we could think maybe he is using some kind of mind control, or he's some sort of demon type creature that can control other people, or maybe he's blackmailing them or I dunno, maybe part of some mafioso family where they were being held hostage in their own home & he was so connected that he would have her kid or her parents killed if she didn't cooperate or something. But this horseshit? ONE stupid damn kiss & she goes from competent stable adult to full on Brad junkie? I'm sorry but you lost the plot. The story went from mildly interesting to straight up cartoony at that point. Fuck, I've actually known people that were full on junkies that were less mindlessly addicted the first time they heroin or meth. Additionally the psychological duality of her condition causing her to simultaneously hate brad, (I mean she literally calls him a shitheel), to loathe herself for being so weak & pathetic, & she herself describes her life now as absolute Hell & bursts into tears on more than one occasion thinking about everything she's lost & how what she is now isn't her, yet has absolutely no interest in regaining what she lost & seems to lament the loss of, to such an insane extent that she would be willing to kill her own son to keep Brad. I'm sorry but that doesn't make sense. It just doesn't, Even if looking at it from an addiction perspective. & again, we're expected to swallow the idea that this insane life destroying "Brad addiction" was caused by a single kiss instantaneously? from zero to full on addict in the snap of ones fingers? If her willpower & resolve was that weak & she was that boy crazy, (I mean lets call it for what it is), she would already have spread her legs for any guy that flashed her a smile or any attention on the street multiple times already. She would already have wrecked her marriage, reputation, etc... decades ago. Paul would have grown up knowing him mom was a mattress back. So the fact that she remained faithful to Artie up to this point, had only had 2 sexual partners in her life, including Artie, & had been as vanilla as she was already tells us that she has more resolve & self respect than that. So the idea that a single uninvited kiss from someone that she, until that point, had despised would make her instantly full on addicted to the guy is just full potato retarded. She keeps saying "There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me". Well if that is her headspace, put some damn effort into your work & come up with something that actually makes sense to cause it. Not just some "Well I was disgusted with him till he kissed me, now he's soooo dreamy & I'll give up everything in my life for him & hate myself for it" bullshit. Fuck that noise.
& then there's the MC. Now maybe I think of things a bit different because I come from a rather rough & tumble world. I come from a place of fight or die. So if I were the MC, as soon as A, I saw the fucked horror show my parents life had become, B, heard Theresa say how her life is absolute Hell now & "there's something wrong with her" & C, heard her say that she would go as far as to kill me to cling to Brad, I wouldn't be "trying to fight back" by spending all day on fucking Google & biding my time. The answer at that point is very simple. "Sorry ma, but you're making me make some unpleasant choices, but it's for your own good." From there, tie Theresa to the radiator so she can't attack me or hurt herself, kick in the door to my parents old room & then "Wake up Brad, it's time to die". Ideally I'd prefer a few days in a locked shed with the guy so I can make it nice, slow & painful, but you gotta work with what you got to work with. Anyway, quickly & efficiently remove the life from his carcass, then off to Artie in the closet. Beat the shit out of him for his role in making this shit happen, then send him off to dispose of the corpse. Sure he would be my dad, but he caused this, so he has to pay too. So after dealing with the corpse he then would go to the police, confess that he was complicit in the abduction of his wife & then murdered his accomplice & then off to prison he would go. You might say "what if he doesn't want to cooperate"? He just spent the past month living in a closet, eating table scraps while the dude who put him there rails his wife constantly. Now he's face to face with the guy whom not only just slaughtered that dude & still likely has Brad's blood on him, but also has just beaten him senseless. Trust me. He has no choice but to be compliant. After that it's the long process of rehabilitating Theresa's broken psyche. Is it harsh? Yeah but it's effective. That's what's called tough love. If she is being an agent in her own self destruction & cannot stop herself, it would be up to me to stop her for her own safety, even if it requires putting her in the hospital. Now do I expect the MC to mirror that? No, most people would be horrified by that. Again, like I said, my corner of the world is a hard place. What do you know about horror? Heh heh heh. Anyway though, it still would be nice to see a more realistic pushback.
Anyways that's my thoughts on this game.
You see, I'm a Daddy Dom myself & 2 of my partners are littles. In the DD/LG community there are a ton of shit stain creepers that try to pass themselves off as daddies hoping to score some submissive, easy to control & manipulate girl that they can abuse & treat however they want without repercussions. They are without question the most predatory & toxic garbage people that exist. In the DD/LG community, we actually make it a point to look out for & protect littles from these kinds of scum fucks, Even littles that aren't our own, (within certain parameters & contexts). For example. The past 2 days were my days off. One of my littles, (I'll just call her Princess, as that is one of her preferred pet names), has been helping a fellow little friend of her's, (her nickname is Foxy), pack & get ready to move, as she is moving to Ohio to be with her Daddy & his wife. Foxy's Daddy made it a point to thank me for looking after Foxy over the past few days because the move process has been extremely stressful for her & he was glad that she had me here to look after her since he can't be here in person. See that's what REAL Daddies are. What real MEN are. A real Daddy loves & adores his little & showers them with love & affection. They provide stability, comfort, kindness & love to their little. Yes at times they may have to discipline & take a firm hand with their little too, but they do so with a certain measure of love & tenderness too, keeping their focus on what is best for their little. Most of all real Daddies love & respect their littles UNCONDITIONALLY. They are their biggest cheerleaders & supporters. Their confidant. Their Rock in the raging storm.
Brad in this game however, is just cancer. He clearly despises Theresa & her whole family & is only interested in using & abusing her & those dear to her until he gets bored & leaves them a broken shambles of a mess. He is the total antithesis of what a real Daddy is. I mean even how pathetic & insecure he is even shows through beneath his paper thin facade. My other little, (We'll just call her Kitten), had an ex daddy like this. The guy lives in Seattle. Unbeknownst to him, the only reason his worthless carcass still draws breath is because she made me promise not to hurt him, (which would be very easy as he lives a scant 300 miles away). Her boyfriend & I are both in agreement though, if he tries going after her again, all bets are off & he is free game for hunting. If this was a RL story & Brad was a RL character, by this point he would be beaten so viciously & brutally you would think he was worse off than Theon aka Reek from GoT.
That brings me to the other part that bugs me about this story. It, well... It doesn't make sense. Theresa is a normally sane, well balanced, married woman. This student of her's makes a bet with her husband that he can turn her whore, he briefly gets pissed, but then agrees to conspire with Brad because it get's him off & it suddenly makes him want to ruin her, despite still claiming he loves her because "the hornies are just too important". Then Brad shows up, talks some weak ass game, then Theresa is understandably outraged. Wash, rinse & repeat on day 2, but this time Brad kisses her & all her indignation & outrage just melts away from 1 single kiss, then from that, she becomes completely "I'm your biggest fan ~heavy breathing~" obsessed with him & from 1 single kiss, decides, "Yup, I'm going to toss my family, career & everything I hold dear & all my dignity & values out the window so I can dedicate my life to this pathetic shitheel's, (her own words on that last one), twisted desires because reasons.".
I mean shit man, I've seen post-modernists with a better grasp of human nature than this author seems to have. I mean I get the whole "suspension of disbelief" thing in fictional writing, but this is just absurd. Day 1, antagonist shows up uninvited at teachers house claiming she will beg for his cock, she realistically tells him to fuck off & don't pull that shit again or she will call the cops. Day 2, she's still telling him to fuck off until he kisses her, then she magically flips from her normal self to "this guy, whom I despised literally 2 seconds ago is now all that matters to me, even though I still hate him & now hate myself & my husband for letting him completely destroy our lives, & I hate that this is happening & it makes me feel so much loss & shame & self loathing & I'm now such a wretch that I would rather my own son hates me & abandons me forever so that he doesn't have to see me like this, yet I'd be willing to kill my own kid for this fucker that, again, I hate, because I'm so inexplicably addicted to him FROM ONE FUCKING KISS". I'm sorry but any immersion in the story is GONE at that point. At least up until then, we could think maybe he is using some kind of mind control, or he's some sort of demon type creature that can control other people, or maybe he's blackmailing them or I dunno, maybe part of some mafioso family where they were being held hostage in their own home & he was so connected that he would have her kid or her parents killed if she didn't cooperate or something. But this horseshit? ONE stupid damn kiss & she goes from competent stable adult to full on Brad junkie? I'm sorry but you lost the plot. The story went from mildly interesting to straight up cartoony at that point. Fuck, I've actually known people that were full on junkies that were less mindlessly addicted the first time they heroin or meth. Additionally the psychological duality of her condition causing her to simultaneously hate brad, (I mean she literally calls him a shitheel), to loathe herself for being so weak & pathetic, & she herself describes her life now as absolute Hell & bursts into tears on more than one occasion thinking about everything she's lost & how what she is now isn't her, yet has absolutely no interest in regaining what she lost & seems to lament the loss of, to such an insane extent that she would be willing to kill her own son to keep Brad. I'm sorry but that doesn't make sense. It just doesn't, Even if looking at it from an addiction perspective. & again, we're expected to swallow the idea that this insane life destroying "Brad addiction" was caused by a single kiss instantaneously? from zero to full on addict in the snap of ones fingers? If her willpower & resolve was that weak & she was that boy crazy, (I mean lets call it for what it is), she would already have spread her legs for any guy that flashed her a smile or any attention on the street multiple times already. She would already have wrecked her marriage, reputation, etc... decades ago. Paul would have grown up knowing him mom was a mattress back. So the fact that she remained faithful to Artie up to this point, had only had 2 sexual partners in her life, including Artie, & had been as vanilla as she was already tells us that she has more resolve & self respect than that. So the idea that a single uninvited kiss from someone that she, until that point, had despised would make her instantly full on addicted to the guy is just full potato retarded. She keeps saying "There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me". Well if that is her headspace, put some damn effort into your work & come up with something that actually makes sense to cause it. Not just some "Well I was disgusted with him till he kissed me, now he's soooo dreamy & I'll give up everything in my life for him & hate myself for it" bullshit. Fuck that noise.
& then there's the MC. Now maybe I think of things a bit different because I come from a rather rough & tumble world. I come from a place of fight or die. So if I were the MC, as soon as A, I saw the fucked horror show my parents life had become, B, heard Theresa say how her life is absolute Hell now & "there's something wrong with her" & C, heard her say that she would go as far as to kill me to cling to Brad, I wouldn't be "trying to fight back" by spending all day on fucking Google & biding my time. The answer at that point is very simple. "Sorry ma, but you're making me make some unpleasant choices, but it's for your own good." From there, tie Theresa to the radiator so she can't attack me or hurt herself, kick in the door to my parents old room & then "Wake up Brad, it's time to die". Ideally I'd prefer a few days in a locked shed with the guy so I can make it nice, slow & painful, but you gotta work with what you got to work with. Anyway, quickly & efficiently remove the life from his carcass, then off to Artie in the closet. Beat the shit out of him for his role in making this shit happen, then send him off to dispose of the corpse. Sure he would be my dad, but he caused this, so he has to pay too. So after dealing with the corpse he then would go to the police, confess that he was complicit in the abduction of his wife & then murdered his accomplice & then off to prison he would go. You might say "what if he doesn't want to cooperate"? He just spent the past month living in a closet, eating table scraps while the dude who put him there rails his wife constantly. Now he's face to face with the guy whom not only just slaughtered that dude & still likely has Brad's blood on him, but also has just beaten him senseless. Trust me. He has no choice but to be compliant. After that it's the long process of rehabilitating Theresa's broken psyche. Is it harsh? Yeah but it's effective. That's what's called tough love. If she is being an agent in her own self destruction & cannot stop herself, it would be up to me to stop her for her own safety, even if it requires putting her in the hospital. Now do I expect the MC to mirror that? No, most people would be horrified by that. Again, like I said, my corner of the world is a hard place. What do you know about horror? Heh heh heh. Anyway though, it still would be nice to see a more realistic pushback.
Anyways that's my thoughts on this game.
- Jul 5, 2017
- 5,671
- 36,945
TL;DR
Can you possibly use the spoiler tag when writing your biography about the game? A huge text wall is annoying.....
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
Ok, I'll condense it down for those whom can't be assed to read a "wall" that really only takes like 2 minutes to read.
1. As a Daddy Dom myself, the DD/LG dynamic the writer is going for between Brad & Theresa makes me furious & is an insult to the DD/LG lifestyle because that little shit is the antithesis of what any respectable real DD should be.
2. The fact that Theresa goes from normal competent adult whom despises Brad to full on Brad junkie while still despising Brad & now herself & her husband literally in a split second because of 1 single kiss is just bad writing. It makes the whole thing cartoonishly absurd since there is no actual logical cause for her to suddenly become so infatuated with Brad. Bad writing is bad.
3. Since Theresa has already said that she is hopelessly addicted to Brad, that she would go as far as to kill her own son to be with Brad, that she hates this & her life is absolute Hell & "something is wrong with her", sitting in his room doing Google searches & biding his time is full potato retarded. The only logical course of action for him would be to tie Theresa up so that she can't attack him nor hurt herself, kill Brad, beat the shit out of Artie, make Artie take the fall for being complicit in Theresa's abduction & then murdering Brad, then from there, working on rebuilding Theresa's broken psyche.
Btw, I'm not familliar with how to edit in the spoiler tag
- Mar 13, 2017
- 990
- 796
I think you maybe have the wrong idea about this story. This isn't an attempt to represent anything that is "normal" in the world, this is about a supernatural form of dominance, it is the "magical" equivalency of rape in that it he is taking something that the person (people actually if you include the MC and Artie) doesn't want to give. Don't get me wrong, I have massive problems with this story and Brad's character just pisses me off to no end. The story, however, is not about "real" life, it is about a dark alternate. The author references the novels of "Russ Martin" as what this is intended to emulate. Google that name and see the kinds of stories and the world they represent. They do not represent any kind of "healthy" sexuality (regardless of kink).
p.s. Thanks for the new acronym (Dd/Lg), never saw that one before.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
Yeah I researched Russ Martin. Seems to be of the same talent, (or lack thereof), of John Norman & E.L. James. I mean if Fugue is going for some "demonic possession or influence" sort of thing, he needs to work on his execution & get to it a lot sooner or start cranking out chapters faster. Because the way he is writing it right now & the pace he is doing it at, interest in this story will be gone before he even gets halfway into it. & even then, while it would be an improvement over what it is now, Holy cliches Batman. Also the RANDOM capitalizations peppered THROUGHOUT THE text is rather jarring AND offputting.
Btw you're welcome for the new acronym. DD/LG hasn't been a commonly known subset of the BDSM community for more than the last few years, but it's the one I identify with. & I pride myself on being a good daddy whom takes good loving care of my littles.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
Alright for those who are still interested Fugue has made this story available again after taking down when Patreon got more strict about explicit stuff, though it must be said that he hasn't finished it yet, but there has been progress that hasn't been added to the thread yet.
For those just joining us The Enslavement of Theresa Simpson or Bastard Made Mom a Sex Slave is a semi-interactive illustrated story about Paul, a college student who returns home for Christmas break only to discover that his normally sweet, loving parents Theresa and Arthur have become the mind controlled playthings of a real asshole of a 19 year old, Brad.
Now Paul must attempt to figure out what happened while he was away, and how he can undue it and save his family before pissing off Brad enough that whatever it is happens to Paul as well.
This is really more a story than a game as of present so I would really recommend going in order. So download a section, unzip, click the html link, play through, repeat with next section.
Prologue/Teaser
You must be registered to see the links
Chapter 1 - What Did You Do To Mom?
Section A -
You must be registered to see the links
Section B -
You must be registered to see the links
Chapter 2 - He Made Her His Bitch
You must be registered to see the links
Chapter 3 - The Things We Do For Love
Section A -
You must be registered to see the links
Section B -
You must be registered to see the links
Edit - I forgot to mention that for those who are looking to try the story without downloading anything there is a prose version of the first couple sections here.
You must be registered to see the links
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
Hooookay So I saw that more content has been released for this... thing... & I must admit I have a renewed sense of.. disappointment? Revulsion? I know I'm coming off as rather harsh but I'm not feeling particularly inclined to handle this with kid gloves.
My thoughts in the spoiler
My thoughts in the spoiler
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
ok the spoiler doesn't appear to be showing, so I'll post here, If the spoiler is visible to everyone else, feel free to skip & ignore this.
Ok so let's start with the objective stuff. I've done some more research on his inspiration, Russ Martin, & it's pretty evident after reading some of his material that he, (Martin), wants to be the porn Stephen King, (though with how narrow his niche is, he's at best a sub par blend of Peter Straub & John Norman).
The thing that he & to a greater extent, Fugue fail to realize is that the 2 key things that make a story great & compelling are 1, the characters & then 2, the plot in that order. Character development & interaction is the number 1 component of a GOOD story & this is woefully lacking in these works. Look at writers like King. What makes his stories so addictive & compelling? For example, look at the scene in the Dark Tower series when Roland & Oy bury Jake. What made that scene so heart wrenchingly sad but also beautiful? Was it the plot elements of it? No, it was the fact that we, the reader, could feel every bit of the loss that Roland & Oy felt because through the course of the story, WE connected with them as though they were real. We were a passive, silent, observing part of their journey as they developed & bonded with each other. Look at other writers from different mediums like Aaron Sorkin for example. Do you think the West Wing was as successful as it was because people are THAT into political drama? No, not really. House of Cards didn't even come close by comparison. It's because we the viewers were captivated by the CHARACTERS, all of which were unique & full of depth & dimension. It's all first & foremost, CHARACTER driven. The characters & our investment in them DRIVE the plot. That just isn't there with the way this is written. The characters are just flat. They have no dimension, no depth, they are just paint by numbers templates that fit roles to play out the theme the writer is aiming for.
& then the writing itself. It's just awful. It reads like a really bad fanfic. The pacing, the way the picture is painted, the dialogue, It's like a 12 year old wrote it. I mean especially Teresa's dialogue. It's like what a 12 year old boy's imagination of how an adult woman speaks. Now I mean obviously she's fucked in the head, so it stands to reason that she isn't going to speak & behave like a mentally healthy adult woman, but I mean, Even the most stereotypical Long Island Jewish woman would say "Who says Oh my gawd that much? ugh!". & if it was just when she was in brain scrambled mode, that would be one thing, but she's like that in her moments of clarity. Really, ALL the characters only seem to have 1 default mode to them.
There's also no internal logic here. I mean I get what prior commenters said in that "It's a supernatural dominance" type of thing, but there has been nothing to really give that any real weight. Using King as an example again, Look at Desperation. At the beginning, what made Sheriff Collie Entragian such a formidable foe that allowed him to take his prisoners? Did he just give orders & they followed? No, he was a giant, insane hulking mass of a man that would beat the shit out of them mercilessly, or even outright kill some of them if they did not comply IMMEDIATELY. So there was already an established dynamic of "Do what I say or I'm fucking your shit up" established before it was even revealed that he was possessed by the etherial entity known as Tak. With Brad in this story, all we have so far is he put some sort of control over Terri & Artie &.... That's it. Paul isn't under his spell, he hasn't displayed anything resembling any real tangible threat, aside from control over his parents. So what logically, is stopping Paul from saying "fuck it, I'm putting an end to this", going out & getting a gun, locking Terri up & just putting a bullet through Brad's skull? Sure it MIGHT wreck Terri for a little bit, or it might instantly break Brad's hold over her with him no longer being alive to hold control over her. Seems logical that would be the most efficient solution. So what "threat" does Brad pose that prevent's Paul from taking more direct action & just letting the horror continue? This is never demonstrated. At the current point in the story, he's STILL postulating that it might be some kind of hypnosis or mind control, so he hasn't even concluded "ZOMG HE'S SOME KIND OF SUPERPOWERFUL DEMONMONSTER" or something. & given the damage he's caused thus far, it is completely illogical that the idea of killing Brad hasn't even crossed his mind yet, or at least beating the shit out of him. It just does not make sense. Hell, I ruptured a guys right eye & slammed his head in the sliding door of a van just for throwing a smaller friend of mine on the ground at a show once. So if my mother was being subjected to THAT, there's no question about it. On day one, either that guy dies or I do. But I would not relent until one of us was dead.
The point is, regardless of what kind of theme or gimmick you're going for, you have to make it logical, realistic & well written to get the reader invested. This, by all accounts is not.
Ok so let's start with the objective stuff. I've done some more research on his inspiration, Russ Martin, & it's pretty evident after reading some of his material that he, (Martin), wants to be the porn Stephen King, (though with how narrow his niche is, he's at best a sub par blend of Peter Straub & John Norman).
The thing that he & to a greater extent, Fugue fail to realize is that the 2 key things that make a story great & compelling are 1, the characters & then 2, the plot in that order. Character development & interaction is the number 1 component of a GOOD story & this is woefully lacking in these works. Look at writers like King. What makes his stories so addictive & compelling? For example, look at the scene in the Dark Tower series when Roland & Oy bury Jake. What made that scene so heart wrenchingly sad but also beautiful? Was it the plot elements of it? No, it was the fact that we, the reader, could feel every bit of the loss that Roland & Oy felt because through the course of the story, WE connected with them as though they were real. We were a passive, silent, observing part of their journey as they developed & bonded with each other. Look at other writers from different mediums like Aaron Sorkin for example. Do you think the West Wing was as successful as it was because people are THAT into political drama? No, not really. House of Cards didn't even come close by comparison. It's because we the viewers were captivated by the CHARACTERS, all of which were unique & full of depth & dimension. It's all first & foremost, CHARACTER driven. The characters & our investment in them DRIVE the plot. That just isn't there with the way this is written. The characters are just flat. They have no dimension, no depth, they are just paint by numbers templates that fit roles to play out the theme the writer is aiming for.
& then the writing itself. It's just awful. It reads like a really bad fanfic. The pacing, the way the picture is painted, the dialogue, It's like a 12 year old wrote it. I mean especially Teresa's dialogue. It's like what a 12 year old boy's imagination of how an adult woman speaks. Now I mean obviously she's fucked in the head, so it stands to reason that she isn't going to speak & behave like a mentally healthy adult woman, but I mean, Even the most stereotypical Long Island Jewish woman would say "Who says Oh my gawd that much? ugh!". & if it was just when she was in brain scrambled mode, that would be one thing, but she's like that in her moments of clarity. Really, ALL the characters only seem to have 1 default mode to them.
There's also no internal logic here. I mean I get what prior commenters said in that "It's a supernatural dominance" type of thing, but there has been nothing to really give that any real weight. Using King as an example again, Look at Desperation. At the beginning, what made Sheriff Collie Entragian such a formidable foe that allowed him to take his prisoners? Did he just give orders & they followed? No, he was a giant, insane hulking mass of a man that would beat the shit out of them mercilessly, or even outright kill some of them if they did not comply IMMEDIATELY. So there was already an established dynamic of "Do what I say or I'm fucking your shit up" established before it was even revealed that he was possessed by the etherial entity known as Tak. With Brad in this story, all we have so far is he put some sort of control over Terri & Artie &.... That's it. Paul isn't under his spell, he hasn't displayed anything resembling any real tangible threat, aside from control over his parents. So what logically, is stopping Paul from saying "fuck it, I'm putting an end to this", going out & getting a gun, locking Terri up & just putting a bullet through Brad's skull? Sure it MIGHT wreck Terri for a little bit, or it might instantly break Brad's hold over her with him no longer being alive to hold control over her. Seems logical that would be the most efficient solution. So what "threat" does Brad pose that prevent's Paul from taking more direct action & just letting the horror continue? This is never demonstrated. At the current point in the story, he's STILL postulating that it might be some kind of hypnosis or mind control, so he hasn't even concluded "ZOMG HE'S SOME KIND OF SUPERPOWERFUL DEMONMONSTER" or something. & given the damage he's caused thus far, it is completely illogical that the idea of killing Brad hasn't even crossed his mind yet, or at least beating the shit out of him. It just does not make sense. Hell, I ruptured a guys right eye & slammed his head in the sliding door of a van just for throwing a smaller friend of mine on the ground at a show once. So if my mother was being subjected to THAT, there's no question about it. On day one, either that guy dies or I do. But I would not relent until one of us was dead.
The point is, regardless of what kind of theme or gimmick you're going for, you have to make it logical, realistic & well written to get the reader invested. This, by all accounts is not.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
BTW since the last update for this game was WAY back in late 2018 with no update since then, I'm half tempted to write my own version of the remainder of this story. Though, warning to the NTR cuckboys out there, it won't really appeal to your fapping preferences, but at least it would be well written & a damn good read either way. Let me know if there would be any interest in my spin on how the story should continue & if there's enough interest I might actually do it.
- Mar 13, 2017
- 990
- 796
Sounds good to me. I'd definitely like to read something which has a bit more "realism" to it. Much like you posted, I probably would have shot Brad the first day and rolled the dice. Even if it didn't break whatever Brad was doing, would it have been that much worse for everyone than the current situation?
- Dec 30, 2017
- 397
- 229
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
The people have spoken. Well, a few people. Enough to show there's interest in my taking a spin at this at least ok? So I figure, what the heckin doodle. Why not? Well since this is something I'm just kinda doing on a lark anyway, Might as well post the text for my spin on the rest of the story right here in this thread. Seems to be just as good a place as any. If I can get the spoiler thing to work, I'll try to nest it in spoiler tags to save those whom aren't interested from text walls. BTW can anyone tell me if the spoiler worked on the last post I tried doing it on? I think it was post 73.
Though just a forewarning to all that may read it, It's not going to be a fap material story. There won't really be much more in the way of content to feed any sexual fetishes. That said though, it will be well written, should be an entertaining story anyway, & will be gratifying for anyone who has a Brad hatred boner.
Just to get it right out front, in case Fugue or any associated people are less than good humored at my contribution to his work, I'm going to be approaching it in a manner that falls under fair use. While components of his intellectual property may be included in the partial story that I will be posting here, it will be content that is posted for free with no monetary gain for me, will be completely different from his content meaning no monetary loss for him & my content WILL serve as commentary, satire to an extent & will be particularly transformative in nature, all of which covers it under fair use. So I don't want any DMCA or copyright nonsense about it.
Though just a forewarning to all that may read it, It's not going to be a fap material story. There won't really be much more in the way of content to feed any sexual fetishes. That said though, it will be well written, should be an entertaining story anyway, & will be gratifying for anyone who has a Brad hatred boner.
Just to get it right out front, in case Fugue or any associated people are less than good humored at my contribution to his work, I'm going to be approaching it in a manner that falls under fair use. While components of his intellectual property may be included in the partial story that I will be posting here, it will be content that is posted for free with no monetary gain for me, will be completely different from his content meaning no monetary loss for him & my content WILL serve as commentary, satire to an extent & will be particularly transformative in nature, all of which covers it under fair use. So I don't want any DMCA or copyright nonsense about it.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
"Gus? Hey Gus? You alright?" Gus was jolted out of his stupor by something shaking his shoulder.
"Wha?" Gus sputtered, the fog lifting off his mind as reality returned to him.
"Hey you ok man? You been just sitting there droolin & starin at your beer for the last 15 minutes. The fuck is wrong with you?"
Gus gave his head a shake, clearing the rest of the cobwebs & tried to regain his composure. The voice he heard, as well as the one responsible for shaking him was Doyle, his old friend & drinking buddy. They were out at one of their usual haunts, the Rathskeller, known more fondly to the locals as the Rat.
Gus Sullivan & Doyle Murray had known each other for the last 15 years, almost like brothers they were. They met in the local Boston hardcore scene. When you spend most of your free evenings going to shows at places like the Rat, the Channel, any VFW or community hall where a show was going on, even house shows, & you see the same group of regulars there that weren't FSU or in some sort of crew or clique, eventually you get pretty close. Though they were a bit of an odd pair. Gus was 23, average stature, nothing particularly stood out about him. He was typically quiet, but pleasant. Analytical almost to a fault. He was one of those guys that normally sits back & watches the world. Taking it all in, turning it over in his mind, deconstructing it all. That was him in a nutshell. He grew up in Cambridge in a middle class family, Did well throughout school. Well enough to earn him a scholarship for Network Engineering at MIT which was great, not just because of the opportunities that come with that kind of education, but also because it allowed him to move closer to his favorite clubs & go to more shows. He got himself a little roach motel type studio apartment off Commonwealth Ave not far from Kenmore Square. Rent was a bitch, but hey, Student grants covered that for him.
Doyle on the other hand, well, to say he was rough around the edges would be putting it mildly. He was a fair bit older, 38. He grew up in Southie, (South Boston for those that aren't locals). He was crass & a bit too on the nose at times, Never shied away from a fight but standing 6 foot 4 & weighing in at 273 pounds of almost entirely muscle, he rarely found himself with very many challengers. In spite of all that he prided himself as a man of honor & integrity. Stand for what is right, Do what is right, Have convictions & stand by them. His childhood wasn't as easy as Gus's. up until his mid teen years he grew with mom in Old Colony, one of the projects of Southie. He had a revolving door of stepfathers that came & went, all of them complete scumbags. His mother did the best she could, but she was a troubled woman. Doyle never talks about it much but suffice it to say his mother's taste in men stemmed from "daddy issues" she developed because of her own childhood trauma. Leave it at that. It was because of his childhood that he & White Trash Rob, member of Boston's Ramallah & Blood for Blood, were pretty close growing up, before Rob got too busy self medicating by spiking his veins. It was also because of that same upbringing that he burned all his Blood for Blood t-shirts & Cds in effigy when news came out about what Buddha did to a 13 year old girl after getting shitfaced at a Memorial day barbecue. CPS took him out of his mother's care after he finally snapped with her most recent new boyfriend, some guy named Frank. He was an unemployed bum, a junkie that got his mom to relapse & start using again after she had gotten 3 years clean. Doyle never really spoke much about what happened that day, but the fragments that are known is Frank told Doyle to get him a beer while sitting on his ass watching TV, Doyle refused, something about Frank going off about how Doyle should know his place & Doyle lost it. When the ambulance arrived, Frank had 3 fractures in his skull, 8 broken ribs, his left arm was broken in 3 places, his right eyeball was completely ruptured & dangling from it's socket, was covered head to toe in bruises & had half a broken chair leg sticking out of his abdomen. Doyle spent the rest of his teen years in juvie & then lived with his real dad after that until he struck out on his own. about a year after his mom lost custody of him, she died from an overdose. He got his GED, but never went on to any further than that. He worked mostly in construction & got by on that & odd jobs, occasionally working crowd control at some shows for various promoters, or bouncer shifts at a few local bars that didn't mind paying off the books. Though despite his lack of education & proclivity to manual labor, he was far from dumb. He loved to read. Anything he could get his hands on, he'd read it. In fact, that was one of the main things that he & Gus had in common. The Boston Hardcore scene & a passion for literature.
"Ah sorry man" Gus said, running his hand through his unkempt brown hair before wiping the spittle from his chin. "I guess I've kinda been distracted trying to figure out one of the most bizarre stories I read online the other day."
Doyle looked at Gus from the side of his eye as he stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "An online story?" he asked as he shook a fresh smoke from the pack sitting next to his beer on the bar, tucked it between his lips & dug his zippo from his pocket. "What the fuck you obsessing over that shit so much for? It's just some online story." He continued as he lit his cigarette.
Gus went to reply & paused for a second, trying to find the right words. After all, it IS rather silly to give more than a few moments thought to some hack work of fiction online. "Ok" he started, "You remember that old 'if it weren't for my horse' bit Lewis Black used to do? the one where he jokes about how he'd be found dead on his shitter from an aneurism trying to figure out what the fuck that lady he heard mean when she said 'if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college?"
Doyle nodded as he took a drag on his smoke & then exhaled, "Not really but I get the general idea, what about it?"
Gus took a swig from his beer & continued. "Ok, it's kinda one of those types of things. So the other day I was bored, nothing going on right? So I decided to check out that link that Eddie sent me about that online author he's nuts about. Some guy named Fugue."
Doyle grimaced at that. "Fuuck that, Eddie is weird man, he gave me a book to read a few months back. Something by some guy named Russ Martin. He claimed it's like Stephen King but better." Taking another drag, he went on to say "Spoiler by the way, it wasn't. It was fucking awful".
"Funny you say that" Gus said with a chuckle, "Because the story that Eddie linked me was claimed by this Fugue guy to be an homage of some sort to Russ Martin. But the story doesn't make any sense. It started off with a protag named Paul right? & he went home to his parent's place for the Christmas holidays, but when he gets there, he finds his mom prancing around almost naked, his old man is now living in a closet & this dude named Brad, who used to be one of his mom's students, she was a high school teacher or some shit like that by the way, this Brad guy apparently moved in, got Paul's mom all kinds of turned out & basically runs their lives now. The backstory on it is apparently a month prior, around Thanksgiving this Brad guy turned up at their house, talked some weak game to Teri, the mom, & this got her wicked pissed. Like ruins your whole fuckin day pissed. So pissed she ended up burning the Thanksgiving turkey the next day. Well he comes back again the next day, same story but he sneaks a kiss in on her this time. Then instantly she starts obsessing about this fuckin guy. He comes back again & she tries to maintain her composure, but come to find out, Artie, her husband set this whole fuckin thing up with Brad because 'he was sick of how frigid she was & was SOOO turned on by the idea of turning her whore'. Set up fuckin cameras & everything. Within hours, of this, she's fuckin hooked on this guy. Her job, gone. Her dignity & self respect, right in the fuckin trash. Her life becomes basically being this Brad guy's personal cumdump. So Paul shows up to this nightmare about a month after it started, & she's trying to convince him to leave & never come back so he isn't dragged into the Hell her's & his dad's life has become."
Doyle picks up his own beer. "Ok, sounds like some shitty porn story for sickos with a rape fetish. Why are you wasting that much mental energy on it?" He asked before taking a sip.
"Because it just doesn't make any sense." Gus replied. "I mean yeah, the writing was terrible & the dialogue was just fucking BAD, & the story isn't even complete yet, but the rest of the story after that is Paul staying at home spending all his time on fucking Google trying to figure out how to get his parents out of their situation & get rid of Brad while his mother spends all her time either fucking Brad or doing whatever degrading shit he tells her to do, often roping Paul into it too & then crying & feeling sorry for herself afterwards. & some of it is some seriously fucked up shit."
Doyle rolled his eyes & lit up another cigarette & tucks it between his lips. "Ok, I'll bite" he said. "So this Brad guy is holding Paul's parents hostage & Paul is a clueless, spineless fuckwit who doesn't know how to take care of business. The end. I mean is this Brad guy holding them all there at gunpoint? He has to sleep eventually, just leave when he's asleep. Or if he has some sort of leverage that he's using to extort them, just figure out what it is, neutralize it & kick him out the door. Or better yet, if what he was doing was that bad, just fuck him up. The end." Doyle then pauses, takes the cigarette from his mouth & furrows his brow in thought a moment.
"See that just it" Gus starts. "There's none of that. No extortion, no force of any kind, the mom is like a smack addict. She hates Brad & hates what he's done to her life but seems to have zero control over her compulsive need to 'please daddy' & just does whatever he tells her too. She even told her son that she'd kill him if he tried taking Brad away from him."
Doyle holds up a hand as if to gesture "yeah yeah, I get it". "So you said this story was some homage to Russ Martin right?"
Gus stops & takes a breath. "Yeah that's what it said".
Doyle nods. "Yeah, I see where that's going. He's copying the whole 'mind control' or 'demonic possession' route. Basically he's torturing them all by keeping them aware of their condition, but taking away their self control & puppeting them."
"But he really isn't" Gus blurts out. "As far as I can piece together, they're doing it of their own free will, just out of compulsion & Paul isn't even under his control. Not only that, but there hasn't been anything in the story displaying him as some sort of powerful demon or anything that could cause any real damage. I mean the closest thing to that is that Paul suspects some kind of mind control or hypnosis, but that's it. No show of supernatural strength or other abilities, Brad certainly isn't omniscient or able to read minds, his 'power' so far seems to just be limited to being able to make Paul's parents addicted to pleasing him. So why the fuck is Paul sitting on Google all day instead of kicking Brad's ass or putting a bullet in him? It doesn't make any damn sense."
Doyle shrugged. "So it doesn't make sense. It's a shitty story by a shitty author. Just chalk it up to another Twilight, forget about it & drink your fuckin beer. Why you lettin it ruin your night?"
At that point the bartender approaches them to check in on them. "Hey guys, you doin alright down here? Need a refill?"
Doyle exhales another stream of smoke, "Yeah, another Pabst for me & gimme a double of Dewars, neat. This fucker over here's givin me a headache. Gus, you want another round?"
Gus, back in thought, stirs again. "Hm? Oh uh.. yeah. Gimme another of the same." he says, pointing at his bottle of Fat Tire.
Doyle looks back at Gus & chuckles. "Man, this story really got you fucked in the head huh?"
Gus rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, it's just one of those things that just sticks in your brain right? Trying to make sense of it." He pauses as the bartender brings their next round of drinks. "I'll tell you one thing though. Part of me almost wishes it was real just so there would be the possibility of finding the guy & fucking his shit up."
Doyle smirked as he finished the last of his first beer. "You my friend just described every scumbag my mother brought home with her. Trust me, speaking from experience here, fucking them up isn't all that satisfying."
Gus side eyed him. "You're lying right now aren't you".
Doyle laughed & downed his Dewars, "You bet your fuckin ass I'm lying. That shit felt good. But can't say it was worth all the headache."
They sat in silence for a few minutes nursing their drinks. Gus started thinking Doyle was right. It's just a dumb fucking story. Why obsess over it?
Doyle breaks the silence first. "You know, theoretically you could actually get your wish on that."
"What?" Gus asks, his train of thought being derailed by Doyle's comment.
"squaring off with this Brad guy. In theory it's possible." Doyle replied. "You know multiverse theory right? The idea that there's endless universes or dimensions out there of alternate realities? Well I heard this theory once that suggested that all the fiction we see & read right? Book, movies, TV shows, etc.. The theory is that the people who write that didn't really create it all in their mind, but instead they have this kind of ability to see within their mind into other realities. So what they THINK they are creating when they write is really just them transcribing what they see in that other reality."
Gus looks back at Doyle with a puzzled expression. "Ok, so what are you saying? That I should write about him getting fucked up & that would make it happen in his reality or some shit?"
Doyle shakes his head & chuckles again. "Nah man. Alls I'm saying, for the sake of argument, is this. Think about all the works of fiction out there where traveling between worlds & dimensions. I mean there's hundreds of them out there right? So, theoretically, IF that first theory is true & all these fictional people in these fictional places are other realities, then theoretically traveling between these worlds is also possible. So, theoretically if you figured out how to do that, You could get go after him & get what you want. Though I think that if that kind of thing were possible, some brains in lab coats somewhere would have figured it out already & the 2 of us ain't got the brainpower or the resources to figure that shit out right? So what do you say you just relax, enjoy the night & drink your beer?"
Gus face lights up, like he just had an epiphany. "You know, you might be onto something man, I've heard about that too. It might be worth looking into because if we could figure that out, there's so many things we could do with it. I mean think of the possibilities man."
"Gus" Doyle said, taking another drag from his cigarette.
"Yeah?" Gus replied
Doyle looked Gus in the eye with a look that said he was done with this nonsense. "Shut up & drink your beer."
Gus gave a sheepish "yeah" & took another swig from his bottle, though Doyle could tell, Gus's mind was still going a mile a minute.
"Wha?" Gus sputtered, the fog lifting off his mind as reality returned to him.
"Hey you ok man? You been just sitting there droolin & starin at your beer for the last 15 minutes. The fuck is wrong with you?"
Gus gave his head a shake, clearing the rest of the cobwebs & tried to regain his composure. The voice he heard, as well as the one responsible for shaking him was Doyle, his old friend & drinking buddy. They were out at one of their usual haunts, the Rathskeller, known more fondly to the locals as the Rat.
Gus Sullivan & Doyle Murray had known each other for the last 15 years, almost like brothers they were. They met in the local Boston hardcore scene. When you spend most of your free evenings going to shows at places like the Rat, the Channel, any VFW or community hall where a show was going on, even house shows, & you see the same group of regulars there that weren't FSU or in some sort of crew or clique, eventually you get pretty close. Though they were a bit of an odd pair. Gus was 23, average stature, nothing particularly stood out about him. He was typically quiet, but pleasant. Analytical almost to a fault. He was one of those guys that normally sits back & watches the world. Taking it all in, turning it over in his mind, deconstructing it all. That was him in a nutshell. He grew up in Cambridge in a middle class family, Did well throughout school. Well enough to earn him a scholarship for Network Engineering at MIT which was great, not just because of the opportunities that come with that kind of education, but also because it allowed him to move closer to his favorite clubs & go to more shows. He got himself a little roach motel type studio apartment off Commonwealth Ave not far from Kenmore Square. Rent was a bitch, but hey, Student grants covered that for him.
Doyle on the other hand, well, to say he was rough around the edges would be putting it mildly. He was a fair bit older, 38. He grew up in Southie, (South Boston for those that aren't locals). He was crass & a bit too on the nose at times, Never shied away from a fight but standing 6 foot 4 & weighing in at 273 pounds of almost entirely muscle, he rarely found himself with very many challengers. In spite of all that he prided himself as a man of honor & integrity. Stand for what is right, Do what is right, Have convictions & stand by them. His childhood wasn't as easy as Gus's. up until his mid teen years he grew with mom in Old Colony, one of the projects of Southie. He had a revolving door of stepfathers that came & went, all of them complete scumbags. His mother did the best she could, but she was a troubled woman. Doyle never talks about it much but suffice it to say his mother's taste in men stemmed from "daddy issues" she developed because of her own childhood trauma. Leave it at that. It was because of his childhood that he & White Trash Rob, member of Boston's Ramallah & Blood for Blood, were pretty close growing up, before Rob got too busy self medicating by spiking his veins. It was also because of that same upbringing that he burned all his Blood for Blood t-shirts & Cds in effigy when news came out about what Buddha did to a 13 year old girl after getting shitfaced at a Memorial day barbecue. CPS took him out of his mother's care after he finally snapped with her most recent new boyfriend, some guy named Frank. He was an unemployed bum, a junkie that got his mom to relapse & start using again after she had gotten 3 years clean. Doyle never really spoke much about what happened that day, but the fragments that are known is Frank told Doyle to get him a beer while sitting on his ass watching TV, Doyle refused, something about Frank going off about how Doyle should know his place & Doyle lost it. When the ambulance arrived, Frank had 3 fractures in his skull, 8 broken ribs, his left arm was broken in 3 places, his right eyeball was completely ruptured & dangling from it's socket, was covered head to toe in bruises & had half a broken chair leg sticking out of his abdomen. Doyle spent the rest of his teen years in juvie & then lived with his real dad after that until he struck out on his own. about a year after his mom lost custody of him, she died from an overdose. He got his GED, but never went on to any further than that. He worked mostly in construction & got by on that & odd jobs, occasionally working crowd control at some shows for various promoters, or bouncer shifts at a few local bars that didn't mind paying off the books. Though despite his lack of education & proclivity to manual labor, he was far from dumb. He loved to read. Anything he could get his hands on, he'd read it. In fact, that was one of the main things that he & Gus had in common. The Boston Hardcore scene & a passion for literature.
"Ah sorry man" Gus said, running his hand through his unkempt brown hair before wiping the spittle from his chin. "I guess I've kinda been distracted trying to figure out one of the most bizarre stories I read online the other day."
Doyle looked at Gus from the side of his eye as he stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "An online story?" he asked as he shook a fresh smoke from the pack sitting next to his beer on the bar, tucked it between his lips & dug his zippo from his pocket. "What the fuck you obsessing over that shit so much for? It's just some online story." He continued as he lit his cigarette.
Gus went to reply & paused for a second, trying to find the right words. After all, it IS rather silly to give more than a few moments thought to some hack work of fiction online. "Ok" he started, "You remember that old 'if it weren't for my horse' bit Lewis Black used to do? the one where he jokes about how he'd be found dead on his shitter from an aneurism trying to figure out what the fuck that lady he heard mean when she said 'if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college?"
Doyle nodded as he took a drag on his smoke & then exhaled, "Not really but I get the general idea, what about it?"
Gus took a swig from his beer & continued. "Ok, it's kinda one of those types of things. So the other day I was bored, nothing going on right? So I decided to check out that link that Eddie sent me about that online author he's nuts about. Some guy named Fugue."
Doyle grimaced at that. "Fuuck that, Eddie is weird man, he gave me a book to read a few months back. Something by some guy named Russ Martin. He claimed it's like Stephen King but better." Taking another drag, he went on to say "Spoiler by the way, it wasn't. It was fucking awful".
"Funny you say that" Gus said with a chuckle, "Because the story that Eddie linked me was claimed by this Fugue guy to be an homage of some sort to Russ Martin. But the story doesn't make any sense. It started off with a protag named Paul right? & he went home to his parent's place for the Christmas holidays, but when he gets there, he finds his mom prancing around almost naked, his old man is now living in a closet & this dude named Brad, who used to be one of his mom's students, she was a high school teacher or some shit like that by the way, this Brad guy apparently moved in, got Paul's mom all kinds of turned out & basically runs their lives now. The backstory on it is apparently a month prior, around Thanksgiving this Brad guy turned up at their house, talked some weak game to Teri, the mom, & this got her wicked pissed. Like ruins your whole fuckin day pissed. So pissed she ended up burning the Thanksgiving turkey the next day. Well he comes back again the next day, same story but he sneaks a kiss in on her this time. Then instantly she starts obsessing about this fuckin guy. He comes back again & she tries to maintain her composure, but come to find out, Artie, her husband set this whole fuckin thing up with Brad because 'he was sick of how frigid she was & was SOOO turned on by the idea of turning her whore'. Set up fuckin cameras & everything. Within hours, of this, she's fuckin hooked on this guy. Her job, gone. Her dignity & self respect, right in the fuckin trash. Her life becomes basically being this Brad guy's personal cumdump. So Paul shows up to this nightmare about a month after it started, & she's trying to convince him to leave & never come back so he isn't dragged into the Hell her's & his dad's life has become."
Doyle picks up his own beer. "Ok, sounds like some shitty porn story for sickos with a rape fetish. Why are you wasting that much mental energy on it?" He asked before taking a sip.
"Because it just doesn't make any sense." Gus replied. "I mean yeah, the writing was terrible & the dialogue was just fucking BAD, & the story isn't even complete yet, but the rest of the story after that is Paul staying at home spending all his time on fucking Google trying to figure out how to get his parents out of their situation & get rid of Brad while his mother spends all her time either fucking Brad or doing whatever degrading shit he tells her to do, often roping Paul into it too & then crying & feeling sorry for herself afterwards. & some of it is some seriously fucked up shit."
Doyle rolled his eyes & lit up another cigarette & tucks it between his lips. "Ok, I'll bite" he said. "So this Brad guy is holding Paul's parents hostage & Paul is a clueless, spineless fuckwit who doesn't know how to take care of business. The end. I mean is this Brad guy holding them all there at gunpoint? He has to sleep eventually, just leave when he's asleep. Or if he has some sort of leverage that he's using to extort them, just figure out what it is, neutralize it & kick him out the door. Or better yet, if what he was doing was that bad, just fuck him up. The end." Doyle then pauses, takes the cigarette from his mouth & furrows his brow in thought a moment.
"See that just it" Gus starts. "There's none of that. No extortion, no force of any kind, the mom is like a smack addict. She hates Brad & hates what he's done to her life but seems to have zero control over her compulsive need to 'please daddy' & just does whatever he tells her too. She even told her son that she'd kill him if he tried taking Brad away from him."
Doyle holds up a hand as if to gesture "yeah yeah, I get it". "So you said this story was some homage to Russ Martin right?"
Gus stops & takes a breath. "Yeah that's what it said".
Doyle nods. "Yeah, I see where that's going. He's copying the whole 'mind control' or 'demonic possession' route. Basically he's torturing them all by keeping them aware of their condition, but taking away their self control & puppeting them."
"But he really isn't" Gus blurts out. "As far as I can piece together, they're doing it of their own free will, just out of compulsion & Paul isn't even under his control. Not only that, but there hasn't been anything in the story displaying him as some sort of powerful demon or anything that could cause any real damage. I mean the closest thing to that is that Paul suspects some kind of mind control or hypnosis, but that's it. No show of supernatural strength or other abilities, Brad certainly isn't omniscient or able to read minds, his 'power' so far seems to just be limited to being able to make Paul's parents addicted to pleasing him. So why the fuck is Paul sitting on Google all day instead of kicking Brad's ass or putting a bullet in him? It doesn't make any damn sense."
Doyle shrugged. "So it doesn't make sense. It's a shitty story by a shitty author. Just chalk it up to another Twilight, forget about it & drink your fuckin beer. Why you lettin it ruin your night?"
At that point the bartender approaches them to check in on them. "Hey guys, you doin alright down here? Need a refill?"
Doyle exhales another stream of smoke, "Yeah, another Pabst for me & gimme a double of Dewars, neat. This fucker over here's givin me a headache. Gus, you want another round?"
Gus, back in thought, stirs again. "Hm? Oh uh.. yeah. Gimme another of the same." he says, pointing at his bottle of Fat Tire.
Doyle looks back at Gus & chuckles. "Man, this story really got you fucked in the head huh?"
Gus rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, it's just one of those things that just sticks in your brain right? Trying to make sense of it." He pauses as the bartender brings their next round of drinks. "I'll tell you one thing though. Part of me almost wishes it was real just so there would be the possibility of finding the guy & fucking his shit up."
Doyle smirked as he finished the last of his first beer. "You my friend just described every scumbag my mother brought home with her. Trust me, speaking from experience here, fucking them up isn't all that satisfying."
Gus side eyed him. "You're lying right now aren't you".
Doyle laughed & downed his Dewars, "You bet your fuckin ass I'm lying. That shit felt good. But can't say it was worth all the headache."
They sat in silence for a few minutes nursing their drinks. Gus started thinking Doyle was right. It's just a dumb fucking story. Why obsess over it?
Doyle breaks the silence first. "You know, theoretically you could actually get your wish on that."
"What?" Gus asks, his train of thought being derailed by Doyle's comment.
"squaring off with this Brad guy. In theory it's possible." Doyle replied. "You know multiverse theory right? The idea that there's endless universes or dimensions out there of alternate realities? Well I heard this theory once that suggested that all the fiction we see & read right? Book, movies, TV shows, etc.. The theory is that the people who write that didn't really create it all in their mind, but instead they have this kind of ability to see within their mind into other realities. So what they THINK they are creating when they write is really just them transcribing what they see in that other reality."
Gus looks back at Doyle with a puzzled expression. "Ok, so what are you saying? That I should write about him getting fucked up & that would make it happen in his reality or some shit?"
Doyle shakes his head & chuckles again. "Nah man. Alls I'm saying, for the sake of argument, is this. Think about all the works of fiction out there where traveling between worlds & dimensions. I mean there's hundreds of them out there right? So, theoretically, IF that first theory is true & all these fictional people in these fictional places are other realities, then theoretically traveling between these worlds is also possible. So, theoretically if you figured out how to do that, You could get go after him & get what you want. Though I think that if that kind of thing were possible, some brains in lab coats somewhere would have figured it out already & the 2 of us ain't got the brainpower or the resources to figure that shit out right? So what do you say you just relax, enjoy the night & drink your beer?"
Gus face lights up, like he just had an epiphany. "You know, you might be onto something man, I've heard about that too. It might be worth looking into because if we could figure that out, there's so many things we could do with it. I mean think of the possibilities man."
"Gus" Doyle said, taking another drag from his cigarette.
"Yeah?" Gus replied
Doyle looked Gus in the eye with a look that said he was done with this nonsense. "Shut up & drink your beer."
Gus gave a sheepish "yeah" & took another swig from his bottle, though Doyle could tell, Gus's mind was still going a mile a minute.
- Apr 14, 2018
- 572
- 778
Posted in long form until I can figure this Spoiler tag thing out. Once I do, I'll put it all under one of those. Sorry in advance for the text wall, but when I put up spoilers, they seem to just disappear. But I put up the beginning of what I hope will be my take on the rest of the story from here. Let me know what you guys think so far of it.