1. Why is everyone dressed that slutty?
2. You should avoid explanatory text that is obvious - "the bus has arrived" - we can see that.
3. It is really rushed and rough - especially because nothing is explained.
There is that thief? (taking a thing from a cave is not really stealing I guess ... ) that doesnt sell the thing to the woman that wanted it ... why? The whole "money first" thing is stupid. I mean she had a helicopter and stuff - that is not a pawn shop deal.
Could be dumb fun, but the intro is really messy and all over the place.