VN Ren'Py Altered [v0.1] [Mr.J]

[goulet1995]

All Kinks and fetishes for the most part are canonical to the story, which is why you don't get stuck to one fetish so far. My plan for the adult content is to have at least some variety of options for those scenes. I do want them to have some semblance of natural occurrence and not just randomly happen out of no where. That being said you will never be forced to watch any adult content you are not interested, be it the kink or character involved.

so the player wont be able to avoid certain fetishes they may not want? For instance i dont like lesbian/bi stuff for the girls in the harem whether the mc is involved or not so i usually will avoid that content if the dev gives the option

 

[LionBear]

Thanks for sharing this

 

[TsubameYui]

Wasn't too bad, pretty decent overall. I'll go into spoilers for the rest, just wanted to mention some things that felt a little odd.

Spoiler

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Either way, that's all I had to say about it. I know it's your first time doing this and you're learning as you go, so won't get into the renders and the grammar stuff. The writing is decent enough, except for the above that I mentioned. Still, best of luck with your game and thanks.

Definitely agree that MC needs to have been older than 5 when abducted. It makes the suspension of disbelief impossible. I get it's important he was away for 18 years so that the twins are legal, but just make MC a few years older. Vanessa says she's worried about his grades in school, but at 5 years old, he'd be in preschool, at most, with no grades to worry about. Also, as Spyder pointed out, no 5-year-old would remember their own address. I'd be shocked if I met a 5-year-old that even knew what city they lived in. For the story to remotely work, MC needs to have been at least 8 when he was abducted.

As for the rest of the game, I'd say it's a rather impressive start for a newcomer. The girls are gorgeous, with a good amount of variety(Aunt Laura is best girl). Perhaps a few too many of them so early on, might be too ambitious. The renders are fine for a beginner, I'm sure they'll get better over time. The length was quite good for an initial release, and the story seems interesting, so far. The dialogue definitely needs a good proofreading. Commas are extremely important, and their absence is strongly felt here. Adjusting for the learning curve, I'd give this game a solid 4/5 stars. I'm excited for the next update, and looking forward to seeing the dev's growth and progress as a writer.

 

[Weyrd]

I have played v0.1. It was fun and entertaining. A little long on the text, but it is not bad thing. And the renders are beautiful and varied. It was very short and I want to see what else could happen...
Best of luck and thx for the share.

 

[Maximilian87]

interesting.. not bad and actually decent for a first release.
ill be keeping an eye on this one

gl to the dev!

 

[rafa30]

Good but need a incest patch.

 

[zeus04]

:Amore:

 

[Mookys]

The game is promising. I have only one complaint so far: Tamara (the policewoman) looks too young at the beginning of the story and especially 18 years after MC's return.

 

[J0K3RXXX]

Promising.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

if English is not your primary language, I suggest going over what you write on paper and proofreading it so you grow as you develop the game. it is a challenge but it can make a difference in the amount of people that download and play it

Ashamed to admit English is my first language, but sadly to late to realize I should've paid more attention in school.
I actually do try to fix as many mistakes as I can, but seems I still missed quite a few. Believe me there mistakes in practically every sentence before. Part of it is also due to how I write it all out, once I basically start typing I try not to stop so I don't lose my train of thought and lots of grammar mistakes happen during this. I will try to get better at cleaning up all the grammar mistakes before I post new updates, but some might be bound to get through.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

Mr.J_Dev Little tip from a Japanese speaker; "Saeko" is pronounced "Sah-eh-ko". "Say-ko" would be written in Romaji as "Seiko". Japanese is very phonetic. 5 vowels, and they always make the same 5 sounds: a = ah, e = eh, i = ee, o = oh, and u = oo.

Thank you, appreciate the correction will change it.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

IMO sufficient content for a first release and the start of an interesting story.

Maybe two tips for your renders (seems using DAZ and NVIDIA GTX/RTX):

Spoiler: Graining

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Spoiler: Camera distortions (fisheye effect)

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Good success on your further journey

Thanks any help to making the renders better is appreciated, I will test these settings on my next batch of renders.
To anyone wondering I do plan on fixing or touching up earlier renders that could definitely use it, but I want to keep the story moving forward first and learn how to make my renders come out as best as possible.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

The premise seems interesting enough, though none of them being skeptical at all seems strange. There's also a lot of holes in the cover story, and a lot of questions regarding the real story. You've also chosen a rather large number of women for your first ever story, so good luck with that.

And as someone with a sibling, do people really use "Sis" and "Bro" that much?

The part of them not being all that skeptical has do with something the M.C and for lack of a better word the ability the experiment gave. I apologize some stuff I intended to be vague in the dialogue might have come out a little too vague, but a lot of questions you have might be answered in the next update. As for the number of woman yes I agree, might have added more then I can handle, but I have some idea of where I want their storyline to go.
As for Saeko and the M.C constantly referring to each other as "Sis" and "Bro", it has to do with their past.
However, I do acknowledge I might've gotten a little cringey or to far with it.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

so the player wont be able to avoid certain fetishes they may not want? For instance i dont like lesbian/bi stuff for the girls in the harem whether the mc is involved or not so i usually will avoid that content if the dev gives the option

Sorry if I wasn't clear, While all adult content that happens in the story is technically canonical to the story, you will be warned i advance before the scene happens and be given the option to completely skip over to the next scene. Also I am trying to keep mention of their sexual activities to a minimum in the story dialogue. For example, the girls or the M.C will really only mention they had sex, but won't specifically talk about what they did. Hope this helped

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

Definitely agree that MC needs to have been older than 5 when abducted. It makes the suspension of disbelief impossible. I get it's important he was away for 18 years so that the twins are legal, but just make MC a few years older. Vanessa says she's worried about his grades in school, but at 5 years old, he'd be in preschool, at most, with no grades to worry about. Also, as Spyder pointed out, no 5-year-old would remember their own address. I'd be shocked if I met a 5-year-old that even knew what city they lived in. For the story to remotely work, MC needs to have been at least 8 when he was abducted.

As for the rest of the game, I'd say it's a rather impressive start for a newcomer. The girls are gorgeous, with a good amount of variety(Aunt Laura is best girl). Perhaps a few too many of them so early on, might be too ambitious. The renders are fine for a beginner, I'm sure they'll get better over time. The length was quite good for an initial release, and the story seems interesting, so far. The dialogue definitely needs a good proofreading. Commas are extremely important, and their absence is strongly felt here. Adjusting for the learning curve, I'd give this game a solid 4/5 stars. I'm excited for the next update, and looking forward to seeing the dev's growth and progress as a writer.

Seeing as you both bring up valid points and criticisms, I will see into changing the ages a bit. I can't make any promises at the moment, because I want to be sure it won't effect later points in the story. (I don't see that being a problem though)
Again thank you TsubameYui and SpyderArachnid for your input

 

[Justbrian74]

A very good start for a first attempt at a game (something I've wanted to do, but don't have the time). Your renders are very good for a starter. The story is intriguing. I find the characters sympathetic. The dialogue needs work as it doesnt feel natural. I do know the situation isnt natural, but it still should sound like real people talking. I would also add more renders for the physical acts since they arent animated. Very good job all around and I will be watching and playing as you go.

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

The game is promising. I have only one complaint so far: Tamara (the policewoman) looks too young at the beginning of the story and especially 18 years after MC's return.

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Honestly that was more of a mistake on my part didn't really think about how to age up certain characters such as Tamara and Delilah ended up looking a little younger then intended. You see I was batch rendering a lot of these images and was just skimming through them for obvious flaws. Didn't really pay attention on how they looked age wise until it was too late, I hope this doesn't turn you away. I am trying to tweak some of the character designs to make them look a little better if needed, but I don't want to make drastic changes that could make them look completely different.

 

[Harem4life]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, While all adult content that happens in the story is technically canonical to the story, you will be warned i advance before the scene happens and be given the option to completely skip over to the next scene. Also I am trying to keep mention of their sexual activities to a minimum in the story dialogue. For example, the girls or the M.C will really only mention they had sex, but won't specifically talk about what they did. Hope this helped

That's not Harem. That's poly. We don't really care if it's skippable or not. Most of us would want it to be avoidable.

 

[Pgsurprise]

That's not Harem. That's poly. We don't really care if it's skippable or not. Most of us would want it to be avoidable.

If the specific acts aren't talked about after, isn't that avoided?

 

[Mr.J_Dev]

That's not Harem. That's poly. We don't really care if it's skippable or not. Most of us would want it to be avoidable.

Sorry might be a little lost in what you are asking, but all adult content will always include the M.C and there won't be any NTR content of the women with other men(sorry to anyone who is looking for that). As for the avoiding content issue, I am intending for all the women who get involved with M.C to only end up with the him by the end of the story and have a happy ending. So all content in my mind has to be canonical, but I still wanted to give some choice to reader in picking what they wanted to see. Feel free to think of any content you do not like as non-canon if it helps. I hope you still continue to read the story as it develops, but I understand if this turns you away from it.