This is such an interesting to say, then how comes that various people have such different fetishes if only the "discovery" matters?
I'm thinking there might be various reasons behind those discoveries to make one get a new fetish, but those reasons might be too deeply rooted in our minds over time or even might be inside our genetics... ?
I find this subject truly interesting,because for some it seems like the reason is obvious, they can see it on the surface
- Jun 10, 2017
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I want so much to disagree, but I also equaly want to agree.
You don't awake one day saying "hey, I like this kink". There's a cause behind each of our fetishes, something that have a source that generally come from either our youth or our early teen years.
By example, some can have a fetish for lace stockings, because their mother wore them everyday during their youth. Due to their size at this age, they were the first thing they always saw of their mother. If they were a little unsecured, or over protected, they also were often really close to their mother and felt them when their body, often half naked in their early age, was brushing them. They have no desire for their mother, not even a hidden one, but the view of a lace stockings, the feel of one, unconsciously send them back to this youth where they felt so loved, protected and in peace, and this appeasement of their mind put them in a state when they more easily achieve to be aroused.
I know that myself have a liking for unexpected voyeurism. I don't want to looks at people being naked or having sex without knowing that I'm looking, but the glance of some part of the body that shouldn't be seen at this moment always have a strong impact. I blame summer 1984, or perhaps was it 1985, for that. This year, there were a trend for one piece swimsuits with fully naked back and side. Every time a girl or woman was bending forward without taking care, physics was playing its role and offered to the public a full view of their boobs. Some of those swimsuits were even so opened on the side, while trimming was rare at this time, that you could sometimes have a short glance at their pubic hairs.
It wasn't a really arousing thing at this time, I was 13/14 years old only, but it stayed at a pleasant view. All this being reinforced by the fact that I live in a country where it's legal to be topless on public beach. This mean that those boobs I just saw, I really wasn't expected to see them. The girl could have been topless at anytime, yet she decided to keep her boobs covered, and I saw them despite this ; against her will.
So, yes, I have to disagree, fetishes have a cause, they always have a one.
But in the same time, fetishes aren't caused, in this way that you can't force someone to have a fetish. Someone in this discussion blame his femdom fetish on the old woman who made him submit when he was young. Sorry, but no man. If you weren't submissive "by nature", as much of a horny teen you could be at this time, you wouldn't have took pleasure in this. you would have lived it as abuse and rape, and would now feel disgust when something, like the view of a girl wearing a strap-on you use as example, send you back to those days.
Corruption games are misleading us. You can't take a lambda girl, and turn her into a sex craving slave. You can try, you can have the impression that you'll succeed. But at one time the bad vibes she get by doing this out of the love she feel for you will be stronger than this said love ; she'll stop loving you, quit you, and never ever have sex this way.
You can only corrupt girls that "have it in them". Rare are the persons who, while exploring their sexuality, say to themselves, "perhaps that I'm submissive, I should ask my crush to dominate me" ; or whatever other sentence corresponding to another fetish, like, "perhaps that I'm into water sport, I should ask my crush to use me as toilet next time he want to pee". One day the circumstances made it that we feel aroused by something, what make us wonder about it. To keep the water sport example, the girl can be peeing in the wild and, loosing her balance she'll partly pee on herself. Discovering that she liked the feeling more than she disliked it, she'll then start exploring this way.
What mean that I also agree, yes, we discover our fetishes. We always (relatively speaking) had it, but we weren't aware of this before the moment we were effectively put face to it.
I agree, its a mix of environment and innate factors both.
But I also sympathize with people who "blame" others (even though blame really isn't the right word), because trust me, not everyone's accepting of their kinks
. Like if someone is submissive by nature (or mostly naïve, because they're young) it doesn't justify that you can take advantage of them (even if they liked it/liked it reluctantly). Rapists use this excuse all the time: "that bitch wanted it". Also,
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, especially in men, this is the reason sometimes victims of rape later on develop rape fantasies. The reason for it is unclear, but it seems to be some sort of cognitive coping mechanism, its horrible.
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Well, maybe i need to elaborate a bit. When i say "dicovered" i mean "discover that something is a fetish for you". Things that turn you on usually develop long before you realise that they do so; no matter if they are inate, genetic, or the result of a trauma or an "environmental influence". Most people may be able to point out an explicit experience that made them realise they find a particular thing or practice sexually arousing; but the overall tendency for a fetish must necessarily be developed some time before that pivotal point. So maybe the premis in the OP's question may not be so stupid after all as long as "cause" doesn't mean "name me the particular event that caused you to suddenly have this or that fetish".
Agreed, most of the time people will not be able to pinpoint the exact event that "developed" the fetish. Because most of the times its not a singular event, but a series of events, and also most of the time it takes place covertly very early on during the early stages of psychosexual development. So at most they can have a rough idea of what probably caused it.
- Jun 10, 2017
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I sympathize with this guy, partly because his kink is probably the only one that can turn your life into a real hell. Never said, or implied, the opposite.
If you like water sports or scatology, at worse you'll probably be seen as sick. If it's BDSM (globally speaking), it will be between pervert and sick, it depend of the extend of sadism. If you're a domina, you'll be a sadistic feminist who hate men. But if you're the sub in a femdom relationship, in current society you'll be seen as less than a man ; you aren't just a deviant, you become something near to an error of nature. This while, in all cases, you're just as normal as any others. Your kink(s) define (to simplify) what arouse you, not who you are, nor what are your capabilities.
But isn't this fear already enough suffering by itself ? No need to turn your life into a hell by yourself, by not accepting who you are. When your life can turn into hell in an instant, what is what he's facing, the more peace you can find, the better you'll be. And, whatever how hard it can be, and it is, it will always be easier to be in peace with yourself, than with the others. And I say that as a 50yo guy who sufferer from a strong mental illness that started by its early form when I was... well difficult to tell precisely, but lets say around 10 to simplify ; said otherwise, I say that as someone who live in hell since 40 years.
I totally agree. And there's people, mostly men I assume but not only, that effectively abuse of that. How many among the more abusive couples that last more than few months, are couples just because the predator found the perfect submissive prey ? Surely a majority.
If you're submissive, whatever if you are a guy or a girl, always trust your friends if they say that you're in a toxic relationship. Don't tell them to fuck off, ask them to explain and seriously talk about this with them. Unlike you, they aren't, hmm, "blinded by their kink", and can see behind the appearances. Better to lost a guy/girl than was just a little too enthusiastic, than lost 10 or more years of happiness ; when it's not your life.
I don't like the term of "cognitive coping mechanism", the reality is way more horrible than what one can put behind those words. It's like with "mild autism", "simple schizophrenia" and all, the term looks like its "not this much" ; the autism is "just mild", the schizophrenia "just simple", and it's "just a coping mechanism".
But no, it's not "just a coping mechanism", it's a full alteration of the reality, mostly regarding what love is, but not necessarily limited to it. There's a hint of this behind the "male victims reported more cognitions of submission (p < .01), whereas female victims reported more cognitions of dominance (p < .05), which indicates lack of congruence with traditional gender roles", in the study introduction.
I can't provide studies (there's perhaps I don't know), since my knowledge come from the years I past volunteering to help people in trouble ; mostly transgenders, but not only. They were people who, for too many of them, experienced hate from their family during most of their youth. For those persons, what was probably the most difficult part of their "reinsertion" into normal life, was to learn what love really is and how it should be expressed.
The problem is that they were raised by hateful abusive parents, in a society where everything and everyone tell you that your parents are the persons that will love you the most. Being child, they trusted what the society said, what led them to believe that what their parents were doing was proof of love and care. If they were "normal" children, they had friends and sometimes saw them interact with their family ; what made them understand that there's "normal" parents that are gentle, nice and tender. But if they where the solitary type, their own family was the only model they known, and they believed that any other child was passing through the same life than them. Like I said, this altered deeply their definition and vision of love.
For them, being loved is being yelled at, being beaten for whatever reason, and all. And it's how they thing it works for everyone in the world. I'll probably never forget a girl, she was something around 18 if I remember correctly. She was starting her junior university year, just moved in the equivalent of a university dorm here, few days ago. And one of the girl next door one day said "I already love you", and jumped on her to hug her. She was so in shock, never having been hugged in her life, always hearing "I love you" after a beating or some other abuse, that the other girl had a long discussion with her and send her to us. She cried for hours in my arms, saying, months later, that at this instant she was crying out all those years of hate that she believed was love.
[note: The other girl obviously meant "like", but I wrote "love" because in my native language "like" and "love" are the same word. Therefore I wrote it as it was felt, not as it was expressed.]
So, yes, despite the term being effectively "cognitive coping mechanism", I don't really like it because of the "oh, it's not so bad" feeling it imply, while the reality is something horrible to witness ; something that kill a little part of yourself every time you realize, or remember how much it can kill a big part of those who lived it.
This is really interesting. I love how you portrayed the source of one's fetishes, and I love how most of people might not realize this at first.
Perhaps because we, as humans, have the tendency to not question too much why we like certain things, that's the reason most the people cannot notice what caused their fetish in first place. We just know we want more of it once we noticed it, but we ignore why we want it.
Bigguns
Probably because I have male friends with bigger chests than me......
I also like muscular women, not the big ass body builders although a few of them are really hot (Yeon Woo Jhi for instance) but I like to see the shape of the muscle. No idea why though.
There are other things I like, but the above catch my attention faster than anything IRL.
Probably because I have male friends with bigger chests than me......
I also like muscular women, not the big ass body builders although a few of them are really hot (Yeon Woo Jhi for instance) but I like to see the shape of the muscle. No idea why though.
There are other things I like, but the above catch my attention faster than anything IRL.
- Mar 5, 2019
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Exhibitionism/voyeurism.
When I was a lot younger I was living in Hong Kong. Middle of summer and it was HOT. Being home alone (school holidays) I decided it was too hot for clothes so I didn't bother wearing any and I went out onto the balcony without thinking. Someone looked up as I looked down. I remembered, at that moment, that I was naked but it felt so exciting that I just stayed there and pretended to not see them.
That stayed with me and I guess that's the reason I like reading and sometimes writing about such things. Don't do them myself because I now live in the 'free west' where we've become heavily repressed recently and you can get a longer sentence for 'offending' someone than you'd get for breaking their legs.
When I was a lot younger I was living in Hong Kong. Middle of summer and it was HOT. Being home alone (school holidays) I decided it was too hot for clothes so I didn't bother wearing any and I went out onto the balcony without thinking. Someone looked up as I looked down. I remembered, at that moment, that I was naked but it felt so exciting that I just stayed there and pretended to not see them.
That stayed with me and I guess that's the reason I like reading and sometimes writing about such things. Don't do them myself because I now live in the 'free west' where we've become heavily repressed recently and you can get a longer sentence for 'offending' someone than you'd get for breaking their legs.
- Aug 16, 2018
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I'm very much into impregnation, pregnancy and breeding.
Not sure exactly what caused it, I don't actually want kids in real life*. I think it might be a couple of things coming together. Like I like slutty women and a girl being so slutty they don't care if they get knocked up and get pregnant over and over again. And some of it is probably the sex with consequences thing someone else mentioned. But that's probably not all of it.
*And I'm not into porn that actually goes into realistic life ruining consequences for having the kids. I very much prefer the Hazumi and the Pregnation approach where the babies just get taken away at the end. I also don't like stuff that goes into detail about how painful the birth is or anything, ideally they have nanites or magic or succubus heritage or whatever that makes the pregnancy and birth completely painless and problem free.
Not sure exactly what caused it, I don't actually want kids in real life*. I think it might be a couple of things coming together. Like I like slutty women and a girl being so slutty they don't care if they get knocked up and get pregnant over and over again. And some of it is probably the sex with consequences thing someone else mentioned. But that's probably not all of it.
*And I'm not into porn that actually goes into realistic life ruining consequences for having the kids. I very much prefer the Hazumi and the Pregnation approach where the babies just get taken away at the end. I also don't like stuff that goes into detail about how painful the birth is or anything, ideally they have nanites or magic or succubus heritage or whatever that makes the pregnancy and birth completely painless and problem free.
For me it's very easy to map the time lines of my fetishes because I've been writing porn since 1997, hence I know which fetish started when...
1. 'Rape' was the first word I ever typed in an internet search engine and over the years it was a leading (but not exclusive) factor in my writing. Rape (including blackmail, etc) is the ultimate dominance. One side forces the other to submit unwillingly.
2. Impregnation, on the other hand, is relatively recent. My theory is that as I grow older, there's something in me which desperately needs reminding that I can still bring life.
Despite these somewhat extreme fetishes, I lead a very vanilla and happy sex life with my loving wife, leaving the adventures to my keyboard.
1. 'Rape' was the first word I ever typed in an internet search engine and over the years it was a leading (but not exclusive) factor in my writing. Rape (including blackmail, etc) is the ultimate dominance. One side forces the other to submit unwillingly.
2. Impregnation, on the other hand, is relatively recent. My theory is that as I grow older, there's something in me which desperately needs reminding that I can still bring life.
Despite these somewhat extreme fetishes, I lead a very vanilla and happy sex life with my loving wife, leaving the adventures to my keyboard.
- Oct 11, 2017
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For me, it's females peeing/watersport. I don't really know why. I never saw a girl pee IRL. I only remember that I used to have dreams, when I was very young, where I was just peeing somewhere unusual. And I remember that I liked having those dreams. But I think that happened before I discovered porn, so I don't think I found them arousing, just "nice".
What's also weird, and maybe funny to some, is that whenever I have to pee somewhere that isn't a toilet, like on a hike or in the shower, I usually get a boner. I don't think of anything sexual during this but it still just happens.
What's also weird, and maybe funny to some, is that whenever I have to pee somewhere that isn't a toilet, like on a hike or in the shower, I usually get a boner. I don't think of anything sexual during this but it still just happens.
- Dec 25, 2017
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Tongue piercings, fishnet stockings and high heels are the top ones for me. Definitely got them from watching porn, particularly from JAVs about a decade ago. Living in Japan back then got me into Japanese women. So I started watching JAVs since then although I have slowed down in recent years.
The chick in my avatar (Akiho Yoshizawa) gave me fishnet stockings and high heels fetish. Maybe even legs and foot fetish too.
The chick in my avatar (Akiho Yoshizawa) gave me fishnet stockings and high heels fetish. Maybe even legs and foot fetish too.
- Jun 27, 2020
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The only one that is slightly diverting from vanilla is bukkake/cumflation
idk ive always liked the idea of after some sex you give the girl a facial then continue fucking, and a bukkake is just a facial x10 the fluid either from one person or multiple, then it gets better when 2 babes are sharing the cum and kissing while covered in seed
as for cumflation its pretty interesting that the banging was so powerful it emptied out a dudes balls and semen was pumped in the stomach and womb of the chick, guaranteed pregnancy and happy endings
idk ive always liked the idea of after some sex you give the girl a facial then continue fucking, and a bukkake is just a facial x10 the fluid either from one person or multiple, then it gets better when 2 babes are sharing the cum and kissing while covered in seed
as for cumflation its pretty interesting that the banging was so powerful it emptied out a dudes balls and semen was pumped in the stomach and womb of the chick, guaranteed pregnancy and happy endings
- May 21, 2018
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Impregnation.
Pregnancy in games most often has submissive overtones - instead of an active decision between two people, it's almost always presented as "You make the call, she'll go along with it." I like submission in general (and dom/sub as a result), and this is the ultimate level of submitting to another.
Pregnancy in games most often has submissive overtones - instead of an active decision between two people, it's almost always presented as "You make the call, she'll go along with it." I like submission in general (and dom/sub as a result), and this is the ultimate level of submitting to another.
Female muscle growth. No idea what caused it.