A post-mega-sad ramble.

[Goose Ganderton]

WARNING: THIS WILL

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OST LIKELY MAKE NO SENSE​

Hi, I'm gonna rant ant rave hoping at least one person reads this. So, it's Christmas Eve and I'm at rock bottom. Someone I feel like I loved moved on and I haven't. I already wrote my heart out on twitter, so I won't get into the sadness now, but I'll talk about my feelings with no context. It sucks worse than having the coronavirus, because when I had that, I knew it'd either pass, or kill me suddenly and unexpectedly, but this doesn't feel like it's going away for at least 5+ years. I am kinda glad it happened now though, because now I have lost all hope entirely, so now I won't rely on anyone but myself. I still live with my parents, mainly because I have social anxiety and so I can't get a job easily, but that also means I don't leave the house often. I guess I'm kinda a NEET unfortunatley. Now that I have lost hope though, got no hope for a knightess in shining armour to save me, I will most likely have way more drive to get a job and move out, so that I can actually try to meet girls that I might like. You might ask how I'll get a job if I can't leave the house due to social anxiety. It's simple really, I don't really have it. My parents think I have it bad, but it's not that bad at all, I just go along with what they want because they're stubborn. Trying to convince them that it's not that bad is like trying to pick an entire skyscraper up with one toe. With that being said, I still do have it, but I think I can get over it faster than my heartbreak. There is however a demon on my shoulder that says I don't deserve happiness, and I have no angel on the other shoulder, so I just try to manually tune out my little demon. My demon makes very good points though, like "I can't drive, I have no prior work experience and also I'm super picky." He has very good points, and I don't know how to respond to him. I still have the childish dream that chasing dreams is worthwhile and meaningful, but all my dreams start with me moving out, so that's what I'll try and try and try to do. That's my new years resolution, and my deadline is July 2024. All the sadness from my prior prediciment has almost entirely gone, being replaced by rage, so I'll probably jerk off to some Netori hentai or something along those lines. Also, weird as fuck thing to say maybe, but message me if you wanna talk, about basically anything, I dunno, if you're feeling bad about something, vent to me, tell me to not respond or ask me for a dialogue, I dunno, kinda just wanna talk to someone, probably won't respond until tomorrow but then again, I don't even respond to people instantly that I know and respect for some reason.
P.S I have hidden my twitter account somewhere in case you want more context for some reason.
Ok, thanks for reading all that, I hope at least one person made it through all 500+ words of that, I was gonna write way more but I'm tired and I'm gonna fap and maybe mellow in sadness for a while before I sleep.
P.P.S Turns out it's easier to see my twitter than I thought, oops...

 

[Lerd0]

WARNING: THIS WILL

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OST LIKELY MAKE NO SENSE​

Hi, I'm gonna rant ant rave hoping at least one person reads this. So, it's Christmas Eve and I'm at rock bottom. Someone I feel like I loved moved on and I haven't. I already wrote my heart out on twitter, so I won't get into the sadness now, but I'll talk about my feelings with no context. It sucks worse than having the coronavirus, because when I had that, I knew it'd either pass, or kill me suddenly and unexpectedly, but this doesn't feel like it's going away for at least 5+ years. I am kinda glad it happened now though, because now I have lost all hope entirely, so now I won't rely on anyone but myself. I still live with my parents, mainly because I have social anxiety and so I can't get a job easily, but that also means I don't leave the house often. I guess I'm kinda a NEET unfortunatley. Now that I have lost hope though, got no hope for a knightess in shining armour to save me, I will most likely have way more drive to get a job and move out, so that I can actually try to meet girls that I might like. You might ask how I'll get a job if I can't leave the house due to social anxiety. It's simple really, I don't really have it. My parents think I have it bad, but it's not that bad at all, I just go along with what they want because they're stubborn. Trying to convince them that it's not that bad is like trying to pick an entire skyscraper up with one toe. With that being said, I still do have it, but I think I can get over it faster than my heartbreak. There is however a demon on my shoulder that says I don't deserve happiness, and I have no angel on the other shoulder, so I just try to manually tune out my little demon. My demon makes very good points though, like "I can't drive, I have no prior work experience and also I'm super picky." He has very good points, and I don't know how to respond to him. I still have the childish dream that chasing dreams is worthwhile and meaningful, but all my dreams start with me moving out, so that's what I'll try and try and try to do. That's my new years resolution, and my deadline is July 2024. All the sadness from my prior prediciment has almost entirely gone, being replaced by rage, so I'll probably jerk off to some Netori hentai or something along those lines. Also, weird as fuck thing to say maybe, but message me if you wanna talk, about basically anything, I dunno, if you're feeling bad about something, vent to me, tell me to not respond or ask me for a dialogue, I dunno, kinda just wanna talk to someone, probably won't respond until tomorrow but then again, I don't even respond to people instantly that I know and respect for some reason.
P.S I have hidden my twitter account somewhere in case you want more context for some reason.
Ok, thanks for reading all that, I hope at least one person made it through all 500+ words of that, I was gonna write way more but I'm tired and I'm gonna fap and maybe mellow in sadness for a while before I sleep.
P.P.S Turns out it's easier to see my twitter than I thought, oops...

 

[darkkhan59]

When all else failed me, music that hit me helped greatly. I was on the abyss when I found this band, and this song... I probably listened to it an entire weekend when I almost an heroed myself.

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I lived some dark years... then I completely got off porn, games, etc, for a while, and focused on little things. For example, I would clean my house in less than two hours, otherwise I couldn't eat the rest of the day (I was very, very overweight, and I still have problems with food).

Then I started reading, playing an instrument, etc, instead of my old hobbies. One step at a time, I suck on most of my hobbies, and that's okay.
Sometimes you just need to let go, be absorbed by nature and the world... disconnect from reality... in my case I used meditation and music like this.

Now I'm 14 years older, and my ghosts still haunt me. But I try to live in the light.

I won't give you false hope, it only gets "better" when we're gone - life is a struggle, we just have to learn how to manage it.

 

[♍VoidTraveler]

You can easily center yourself in any situation if you simply accept these:

1. You are you. It doesn't matter what your job/title/position/responsibility/etc is. It doesn't matter who thinks what of you.
2. Do as you please. Because in the end, it doesn't even matter what you do in life.
3. Be indifferent. Feel like everything is going your way? Care not. Feel like the whole world is against you? Care not.

And most importantly, have fun. If there ever was one single meaning in life, having fun would be it.

 

[Lerd0]

You can easily center yourself in any situation if you simply accept these:

1. You are you. It doesn't matter what your job/title/position/responsibility/etc is. It doesn't matter who thinks what of you.
2. Do as you please. Because in the end, it doesn't even matter what you do in life.
3. Be indifferent. Feel like everything is going your way? Care not. Feel like the whole world is against you? Care not.

And most importantly, have fun. If there ever was one single meaning in life, having fun would be it.

 

[Jaike]

Prolly not the best motivational to get you into gear, but now's a pretty okay moment to get a job even if you have no experience. It's not like an employer can easily get new workers.

 

[Gojii]

One of my buddies who had half his leg blown off in Iraq has a phrase some guys used. "Embrace the suck." Sometimes its unavoidable and shit, but you gotta keep going and do what you gotta do.

It can always get worse, but it can also always get better.

Spoiler: tl;dr story time

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Eventually after a long long time, I finally found something that gave me a bit of meaning/fufillment again. Sometimes you gotta get knocked down over and over and over and over and over again and that one more time you get out of that "dark place" when it works out. "Embrace the suck" and keep going.



tl;dr NEVA GIVE UPPU! (But seriously, some of us are legit rooting for you).

 

[Goose Ganderton]

(But seriously, some of us are legit rooting for you).

Honestly, kinda weird, but very wholesome, thanks, and everyone else, thanks for the kind words, just wanted to get that off my chest

 

[wintergreen44]

It seems like both your former girl and your folks are enabling your behavior to some extent. But you've taken the first step and know you need a change. Use that rage you are feeling in a positive way. Is jerking off in your parents basement the pinnacle of your existence? Do you want it to be? No? Let that fuel you.

July 2024 is a pretty harsh deadline to unfuck yourself if your existence is as described. I know of only one way to accomplish that in your time frame:


If you don't want to do that, set smaller goals, Get a full time job. Get a driver's license. Move. Almost any action is better than no action. At least you are living or trying to live. I am no motivational speaker but you can PM me if you like.

 

[Goose Ganderton]

Update: Nowhere near as bad now, I still get twinges of sadness and anger here and there but it's way better than before. Trauma-dumping to strangers helped a lot, so thanks for the kind words and advice. Ok, now to post a meme I stole from somewhere that I can't remember. Nevermind, the image is from The Binding of Isaac community page, don't know who originally posted it there, or if they were the first, but it'll do for me.

 

[Semondemon]

Penis. Also lerd stole my nads