- Feb 18, 2018
- 874
- 2,234
Just wait until Jasmine/Patricia blow Jake while he is racing.
- Thread starter UndergroundStudio
- Start date
- Sep 26, 2023
- 356
- 2,059
After playing the new update, I'm missing two gallery scenes: the two between
What and who are they?
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What and who are they?
- Jan 8, 2022
- 285
- 454
I'm sorry if it's been discussed here before, but I'm wondering something. Because of the incompatible saves I'm playing this from the beginning and I noticed something that got me curious. Is Jasmine perhaps actual street race driver? I remember she attend some racing events but don't remember her competing in them (Maybe I'm just idiot). In this shot that girl, all geared up really look like jasmine though.
- Jan 8, 2022
- 285
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- Oct 10, 2022
- 4,237
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- Jan 8, 2022
- 285
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I see. I've never properly followed her path before, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out.She is not, that's thing that bothers her.You'll see that later in the game.
Currently playing through the second chapter, and I gotta say, the art, animation, and style are probably some of the best things I have experienced in the VN. But the dialogue... man, the dialogue. It's pretty apparent that the technical jargon used very generously to pad out the dialogue is really getting to me, to a point where I had to actually stop for the day due to how boring it became.
To give my two cents about the dialogue, unfortunately, I am a graduate in physics, and the majority of the physics convos, medical dialogue, and even the mechanical convos dragged to a point of corniness. Currently, as of Chapter 2, I have had four or five instances where this padding of the dialogue is stretched to its maximum. The immediate parts that come to mind are the conversations with the male doctor and the female one.
The creator of the VN was trying to make the male doctor look heartless in a logical way by mentioning how Lilly isn't the only priority for him as there are so many more cases in the hospital, in similar or worse conditions than Lilly. This is all that was required, but after that, the doctor went on a tangent about "can you provide this insert medical term care" and again and again mentioning Lilly as a number rather than calling her name, as if the point wasn't already made that he didn't care about individual patients. This type of writing, in some ways, insults the intelligence of the reader and throws any and all subtlety out of the window.
This is something a lot of writers will agree with me on: hyperfocusing on the technical aspects of a character's qualification in a story completely destroys its pacing. A good example of this is how in "Breaking Bad," the best part of Walter White's story was not him teaching Jesse the hydrolysis process in meth manufacturing (which was shown in a quick montage because that's how you deal with technical jargon) but rather them dealing with everything else which wasn't chemistry. That is how good stories are written.
Now to talk about the two MacGuffins in this story currently in my playthrough, which are the main character's battery and the female doctor's million-dollar treatment. Again, in this case too, the sin of going into excruciating detail plagues them, which is a shame because both of these things are cool concepts but it's ruined the way it's overexplained that you just dread the moment when they talk about the battery or the treatment again.
The best parts of this game are, of course, the Cooper-Mc banter (not the ridiculous car talks), the races and talks with those characters, Maggie's life story, and the very interesting dynamic with your ex-wife. I hope in the future chapters the focus on technicalities is shifted towards the story and characters themselves and their interactions with each other because that's all the reader at the end of the day cares about, the human element.
And in no way is this long-ass rant an insult to the dev of this game. I still like a lot about this game. All it needs are a few adjustments in the dialogue, and it will turn into gold. This is the first time on this site that I ever wrote such a detailed mid-game review (or a review in general) because the game really bugged me that much, but I guess that means the game does have some substance hidden under all that EM field interferences or whatever other electrostatic terms the writer used in that class, lol.
To give my two cents about the dialogue, unfortunately, I am a graduate in physics, and the majority of the physics convos, medical dialogue, and even the mechanical convos dragged to a point of corniness. Currently, as of Chapter 2, I have had four or five instances where this padding of the dialogue is stretched to its maximum. The immediate parts that come to mind are the conversations with the male doctor and the female one.
The creator of the VN was trying to make the male doctor look heartless in a logical way by mentioning how Lilly isn't the only priority for him as there are so many more cases in the hospital, in similar or worse conditions than Lilly. This is all that was required, but after that, the doctor went on a tangent about "can you provide this insert medical term care" and again and again mentioning Lilly as a number rather than calling her name, as if the point wasn't already made that he didn't care about individual patients. This type of writing, in some ways, insults the intelligence of the reader and throws any and all subtlety out of the window.
This is something a lot of writers will agree with me on: hyperfocusing on the technical aspects of a character's qualification in a story completely destroys its pacing. A good example of this is how in "Breaking Bad," the best part of Walter White's story was not him teaching Jesse the hydrolysis process in meth manufacturing (which was shown in a quick montage because that's how you deal with technical jargon) but rather them dealing with everything else which wasn't chemistry. That is how good stories are written.
Now to talk about the two MacGuffins in this story currently in my playthrough, which are the main character's battery and the female doctor's million-dollar treatment. Again, in this case too, the sin of going into excruciating detail plagues them, which is a shame because both of these things are cool concepts but it's ruined the way it's overexplained that you just dread the moment when they talk about the battery or the treatment again.
The best parts of this game are, of course, the Cooper-Mc banter (not the ridiculous car talks), the races and talks with those characters, Maggie's life story, and the very interesting dynamic with your ex-wife. I hope in the future chapters the focus on technicalities is shifted towards the story and characters themselves and their interactions with each other because that's all the reader at the end of the day cares about, the human element.
And in no way is this long-ass rant an insult to the dev of this game. I still like a lot about this game. All it needs are a few adjustments in the dialogue, and it will turn into gold. This is the first time on this site that I ever wrote such a detailed mid-game review (or a review in general) because the game really bugged me that much, but I guess that means the game does have some substance hidden under all that EM field interferences or whatever other electrostatic terms the writer used in that class, lol.
- Jul 12, 2020
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That is all of course...just your opinion. As for BB, one is written by a hollywood professional scirpt writer....this is not. However, if you wish to prove your point, please get all these 'writers that will agree with you' that you speak of to chime in
I think you are completely missing my point here, I am not comparing bb with this story, all im saying is we dont remember the chemistry in that series, rather, the characters themselves, their lives, their interactions, etc.That is all of course...just your opinion. As for BB, one is written by a hollywood professional scirpt writer....this is not. However, if you wish to prove your point, please get all these 'writers that will agree with you' that you speak of to chime in
As for the writers part, im not saying that i have a litter of writers in my backpocket, rather that a big majority of writers will agree that over excruciating amount of exposition on technical aspects in your story is a turn off for readers and is detrimental when it comes to pacing in a story.
And absolutely YES, it is all just my opinion. I forgot to write that sentence at the end. But considering i did mention by the end that is was, my review. I guess i might have overestimated some people's ability to come to the conclusion that reviews are usually people's opinion. I will keep that in mind next time when i write a review.
- Jul 12, 2020
- 7,827
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Again, opinion. Who are these so called writers exactly? Are they professional? Published? You think comparing to an AVN is fair? Were you expecting Cambridge thesis quality? Maybe enough quality that undergroundstudio gets picked up by HBO? The writing is no worse than in any graphic novel, a very similar medium.
Stop stating what 'everyone would say/agree' when you cannot possibly back up your statement,.
- Apr 25, 2022
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So what is your opinion on the Cox-Zucker machine?
I dont understand why you are acting so dense and not understanding my larger point instead of making a stupid "oh you like books? Name every book" argument as if it's a gotcha. There is an entire page about what the term exposition is and it's correct usage in writing on the jericho writers website( a website run by writers ) and you will completely understand the point im making.
If you are someone who is a fan of the game and cannot have any constructive criticisms against it, I'm not your enemy lol because i do like alot of the aspects of this game. It just has a few issues, which when dealt with might make this one of the best games on this platform (in my opinion of course).
If you are going to keep doubling down on this stupid fixation of yours of "name every writer", im just going to ignore you after this.
- Mar 9, 2020
- 16
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Idk, the technical jargon didn't really bother me. I just compared it to GRRM's description of food in A Song of Ice and Fire. Who knows, maybe this "overly explained technical jargon" will become something this writer is known for in time.
I don't think BB was the greatest comparison either, because we're talking about different mediums. A television show can get away with things like montages much easier than an AVN can. If you used another AVN as an example of something similar done better, I'd probably understand your point more. Currently, it just looks like you're over explaining why you don't like things overly explained, which is kinda funny and ironic.
As for the "lot of writers that would agree with me..." they don't seem to be here.
I don't think BB was the greatest comparison either, because we're talking about different mediums. A television show can get away with things like montages much easier than an AVN can. If you used another AVN as an example of something similar done better, I'd probably understand your point more. Currently, it just looks like you're over explaining why you don't like things overly explained, which is kinda funny and ironic.
As for the "lot of writers that would agree with me..." they don't seem to be here.
Thanks for responding properly instead of going hostile immediately like the previous responder. With the exposition dumps not bothering you, I guess it is an understandable position to take considering your experience with GRRM. But the issue with me personally was the length of certain conversations, whether it be with Cooper, the male/female docs, and Jasmine in the lab. It went on for too long to a point where, given I was able to understand the terms, it felt pretty corny. My experience with lore dumps is from Expanse books, which I read after the series. Corey's books have exposition dumps, but they're in quick bursts and leave without lingering, not giving you a bad aftertaste. By the end of each book, you can piece together the MacGuffin lore without completely being overwhelmed by its presence in every dialogue. But again, I'm certainly not making a comparison of this AVN with Corey's novels because that's ridiculous.
The reason why I can't compare this to some other AVN here is because this one is unique here in its own way. The writer certainly is intelligent, and there are some really good dialogues between MC and the ex-wife, which felt natural and very non-AVN writing to me. Also, the renders of the characters show that the dev genuinely put thought into those scenes; the dialogue of resentment in Allison's face and them just not hooking up just after exchanging good words signifies the dev put at least some thought into their arc, even if it's an avn. Hence why I even made the original review, because it was different than anything I've played here. A few fixes in the story, in my opinion, would really make this game one of the best here.
Now about the writer statement, I explained what I actually meant to the other person before in one of my replies; I guess I should have worded it better considering it got quoted twice. I'll keep that in mind.
Agreed and these are pretty much the only reason why i still play it. If it wasn't for maggie being an LI, the daughter/hospital plot and the bro character this would be a 2/5 game for me.
Maggie was really the only LI i was interested in.