Compressed 7zip Version with
megalol tool, my antivirus find nothing but as always
use on own Risk
Download:
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140.8MB
Well, I said I would try it if you managed to compress it. And I just did. Wow.
(Taking a full two-minute pause to figure how I'm going to say this...)
Most people are just cracking jokes here, but I think you're making an effort actually putting this game together. It confused me, but after a few minutes I think I understood where your story went. Thank you for sharing this and I'll try my best to give you feedback in order to make this a better product. Here goes!
1 - Go back and finish the story first
The most important part of creating an enjoyable game experience for other people is having either the gameplay loop or the story. You will have to know the beginning, what happens in the middle and how it ends. Knowing these three things, you can then begin to write out your story and make these situations connect. You don't have to know every detail already, but it's important to understand where the story is going and what you want to tell with the story. Why is Salmochy attacking the girls? Are Alice and Lis romantically involved or does the purple dildo make them do something they would never do otherwise? Or is it a secret desire Lis has and is Salmochy feeding off her inner desire? You really have to understand the story to write better dialogue.
2 - Understand and build your characters
Think about Alice and Lis. What are their personalities like? How will they respond? From what I can tell you have already given them a few character traits. It's important to write those down and build up your character. That way you can write responses that they would give based on who they are. Even the purple dildo Salmochy seems to have personality. In that case, you will need to know more about who it is and what it wants with the story. How did it become a dildo? What does it like to have in life? These questions will make writing responses for your characters easier because you understand who they are and what they want.
3 - Clear, readable sentences
If you want a text-based story to be understandable for others, you will need to use language other people can understand. It could very well be that you are a non-English speaker and that you have written the dialog script with the knowledge you have. This is fine in the first stages, but when you are building a game it is important to use proper language rules so that we can understand what you mean. Let's take the line "I want her now so i can rabbit her as you" for example:
- I think the concept here is that Salmochy wants to use Lis' body to fuck Alice - and that together they would fuck like rabbits do, which is a reference to having fast sex and having sex often. In basic, Salmochy has the power to take over Lis momentarily and make her have sexual interaction with her own sister.
- Because that sentence is grammatically incorrect and skips a few of these important details, we as audience will not truly understand the emotion of Salmochy. There is no emotional expression behind it, so we cannot understand why Salmochy would want it or how much he wants this.
- Consider this alternative: "Your body is mine, Lis! Now go downstairs and fuck Alice... Yes, fuck Alice like she is a horny rabbit!"
This is just one example to show how clear text can help show intent. Things like 'UwU', '<3' and '
' might seem nice in a texting context - but in storytelling they often aren't as strong as actually spelling out the emotion. Also, it's important to make sure you refine your sentences until they are understandable. You can always ask
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to help you write better sentences for your game.
If English isn't your native language, consider writing story and dialogue in your native language and then translating it using AI or with the help of other people.
4 - Story before renders
My advice is to finish the story (and most of the dialogue) before you continue rendering for the game. Why? Renders take a lot of time and dialogue is easier to write. You can get more guidance from having the conversations between Alice and Lis than you could from a few renders.
Conclusion
It may seem like I am treating you harshly right now, but I assure you this is only because I would like you to create a better product that tells the story you want us to hear. Please keep working on your game and if you feel you do not have the required skills you may need, ask other people so they can help you learn if possible. I am looking foward to upgraded versions of your game, with improved dialog and new renders. Good luck!
