VN Ren'Py Abandoned Prince of Erotika [v0.5] [AKC/Dark Night Creations]

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Morningfrost

Newbie
Jan 7, 2018
95
119
Gave this one a shot as the premise seemed interesting. Once I actually fired up the game though...oh my god the English is bad. I don't normally comment on that because when playing adult games you get used to it after a while...but this was just bad.

As for the game itself...it feels like you're introducing too much too fast at the beginning, kind of highlighting what WILL be there eventually, but it's done in a fairly confusing way.

I think my biggest recommendation would be to have someone proofread and/or rewrite the text for you, and to simplify the start a bit so that it feels a bit less like you're just shotgunning backstory and subplots at us.

~Morningfrost
 
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mr.everhard

mr.everhard

Newbie
Jun 28, 2018
18
8
Morningfrost said:
Gave this one a shot as the premise seemed interesting. Once I actually fired up the game though...oh my god the English is bad. I don't normally comment on that because when playing adult games you get used to it after a while...but this was just bad.

As for the game itself...it feels like you're introducing too much too fast at the beginning, kind of highlighting what WILL be there eventually, but it's done in a fairly confusing way.

I think my biggest recommendation would be to have someone proofread and/or rewrite the text for you, and to simplify the start a bit so that it feels a bit less like you're just shotgunning backstory and subplots at us.

~Morningfrost
Click to expand...
Thanks you for your feedbacks. I will change those things on next update.
 
mr.everhard

mr.everhard

Newbie
Jun 28, 2018
18
8
Morningfrost said:
Gave this one a shot as the premise seemed interesting. Once I actually fired up the game though...oh my god the English is bad. I don't normally comment on that because when playing adult games you get used to it after a while...but this was just bad.

As for the game itself...it feels like you're introducing too much too fast at the beginning, kind of highlighting what WILL be there eventually, but it's done in a fairly confusing way.

I think my biggest recommendation would be to have someone proofread and/or rewrite the text for you, and to simplify the start a bit so that it feels a bit less like you're just shotgunning backstory and subplots at us.

~Morningfrost
Click to expand...
Hey @Morningfrost, can you tell me what's the main problem in the writings. Is it grammartical or spellings?
 
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Mondoblasto

Well-Known Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,365
2,172
mr.everhard said:
Hey @Morningfrost, can you tell me what's the main problem in the writings. Is it grammartical or spellings?
Click to expand...
Oof. o_O I have not d/l'ed the game, but if I were to take a wild guess, I would say both.

I'm not a ployglot by any means, and I'd likely not know one damn word in your language, but nowhere in your game's overview does it say that you are not a native English speaker. I mean, yes, it could have just meant that you were but have terrible grammar (wouldn't be the first time), but by implying that you are a native speaker, your work will be judged much more harshly.

If I may say though, the fact that you ARE able to at least get your point across in another language at all is a big personal accomplishment, and I for one salute you. (y)
 
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Morningfrost

Newbie
Jan 7, 2018
95
119
mr.everhard said:
Hey @Morningfrost, can you tell me what's the main problem in the writings. Is it grammartical or spellings?
Click to expand...
It's mostly grammatical. I don't remember any spelling errors jumping out at me, but the grammar is...bad.

For example, one of the first lines in the prologue is "The kingdom was enriched with all the wealth." That's the equivalent of saying that a person is rich because they have all the money. It should probably read something like "The kingdom had great wealth." With maybe a little bit of expansion as to where the wealth came from if you wanted to give a more detailed backstory (not necessary for a porn game, obviously, but taking those extra steps is what separates a game you might try for a quick fap from a game that you actually want to play).

There are sentences like that littered throughout the game, probably at least every third screen or so. We're able to get the gist of what you're trying to say, obviously, but it really detracts from the game itself.

~Morningfrost
 
M

Morningfrost

Newbie
Jan 7, 2018
95
119
Mondoblasto said:
Oof. o_O I have not d/l'ed the game, but if I were to take a wild guess, I would say both.

I'm not a ployglot by any means, and I'd likely not know one damn word in your language, but nowhere in your game's overview does it say that you are not a native English speaker. I mean, yes, it could have just meant that you were but have terrible grammar (wouldn't be the first time), but by implying that you are a native speaker, your work will be judged much more harshly.

If I may say though, the fact that you ARE able to at least get your point across in another language at all is a big personal accomplishment, and I for one salute you. (y)
Click to expand...
There is that, yeah. I took 3 years of high school Spanish, 1 year of college Spanish, and 1 year of high school Greek, and to this day I know barely enough Spanish to get through the initial pleasantries of a conversation, and don't remember ANY Greek. If I tried to speak in whichever language is native to the creator I'd be reduced to whatever terrible grammar I got from Google Translate, so definitely kudos to him for being able to speak well enough that we can parse out what is being said.

~Morningfrost
 
mr.everhard

mr.everhard

Newbie
Jun 28, 2018
18
8
Morningfrost said:
It's mostly grammatical. I don't remember any spelling errors jumping out at me, but the grammar is...bad.

For example, one of the first lines in the prologue is "The kingdom was enriched with all the wealth." That's the equivalent of saying that a person is rich because they have all the money. It should probably read something like "The kingdom had great wealth." With maybe a little bit of expansion as to where the wealth came from if you wanted to give a more detailed backstory (not necessary for a porn game, obviously, but taking those extra steps is what separates a game you might try for a quick fap from a game that you actually want to play).

There are sentences like that littered throughout the game, probably at least every third screen or so. We're able to get the gist of what you're trying to say, obviously, but it really detracts from the game itself.

~Morningfrost
Click to expand...
I will try to fix those on next update.
 
_Gutts_

_Gutts_

Member
Dec 22, 2017
123
245
This game had a potential, but the writing is bad, some ugly models, ugly graphics. basically the game is ''please wait for updates''
 
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