So far, there are two big problems that are big detractors for me:
1. The dark renders are way too dark. On many images, you cannot see anything even with good light conditions. If I'd play this game with any sunlight hitting my monitor, I would see even less.
Good dark images are not dark. They're designed to feel dark. Instead of not using light, use blueish light or similar effects to create the illusion of darkness while still allowing the scene to be well lit enough to see things.
If you watch any movie with night time scenes where actors are acting, you'll notice they feel dark but still show the actors clearly.
2. The writing is clumsy. On multiple occasions it becomes clear that the writer is no native speaker (wrong use of words), and has problems expressing what is meant to be expressed.
The clearest example is the scene where Ms Mach is talking with the Robot that demands the package. Every dialogue line has a descriptive dialogue tag.
e.g. "Thank you. I will attend to it immediately." Mach responds respectful yet adamant.
This is bad. If you're describing how something is said, it means you have no idea of how to say it in the first place.
Good dialogue writing makes whenever possible clear how something is being said by how the dialogue beat itself is written. Descriptive dialogue tags are the crutch of an inexperienced dialogue writer.
The above statement, for instance, has multiple issues. Aside from the syntax error (no period after immediately, comma because the dialogue tag is part of the statement and cannot stand on its own.
so:
"Thank you. I will attend to it immediately," Mach responds respectful yet adamant.
Or you turn the verb into a noun:
"Thank you. I will attend to it immediately." Mach's response is respectful yet adamant.
Then there's the problem with the statement actually not being adamant, because that adamancy is only described but does not occur in the dialogue.
"Thank you, [respectful word for the role / person]. I will have your sister authorize my actions immediately."
That is respectful yet adamant, because the dialogue makes clear that she is staying her course.
In general I'd advise to get away from the format of having what's being said described.
Dialogue lines like:
>> "Another Strike? Are you serious? How is this fair at all?" Mach protests, her frustration palpable.
can just be reduced to:
>> "Another Strike? Are you serious? How is this fair at all?"
The dialogue already shows that she is protesting and frustrated. The additional descriptive commentary weakens the prose and waters it down.
