VN Ren'Py Completed Wicked Choices: Book One [Remastered v1.0.1] [ASLPro3D]

[El bacca Del Chew]

Heh, I'm not really a spring chicken anymore myself (late 30s here). I had a b&w TV that used twist knobs to change the channels when I was a kid, lol. Anyhow, one example of what I was talking about was the use of the word traverse in its noun form. You really don't ever see anyone using that, outside of maybe mountaineers or perhaps lawyers on rare occasions. It isn't technically wrong the way it was used, it just made me do a double take and think there were plenty of better ways of wording it.

Hehe, don't worry i just "jumped" on the topic to make jokes and mock friends about aging, subject i know well .

About the writing, i won't coz i can't say a word (not my native language, no need to say..) and i'm sure it will be interesting to follow your exchange with the author, you seems to have some valid points and a trully sincere constructive/positive attitude so...critics with solid arguments are always a good thing !

 

[Palanto]

Just finished the prologue. It's a good start; I really enjoyed Claire. The ending got me excited to see what is going on with the parallel fantasy world and who was filming and what their intentions are. There are however a few areas I think could use some work.

While the renders are quite nice over all, one big flaw is that you went a bit overboard with the SSS (subsurface scattering). MC's penis looks rather waxy, as it is letting entirely too much light pass through. Something else I think might be related to this is that Claire's mouth looked like it was glowing from the inside, probably because the SSS was letting too much light right through her cheeks and likely the roof of her mouth. Also probably related to this - the parts of their skin that should have been in pretty deep shadow were often still way brighter than their surrounding. For example, when Claire was laying on the table with her back arched the table top below her is near black, but her back was way brighter despite being only inches away. This tells me that a lot of light was managing to penetrate through her body in an unnatural way.

The story was good, it kept me interested and was well paced, but there was plenty of awkward wording. It is far from the worst I've seen, but it could really do with an additional editing pass. There were no obvious spelling mistakes and the grammar was technically correct for the most part - it mostly came down to a few archaic word choices and some odd sentence structuring that would break the flow that caused me to stop and reread sections a few times to make sure I was understanding it properly.

There were only two real errors in the text that I found:

- Or finding moments to causually lean against me, like she was departing some deep dark secret to me...
* "Departing" should probably be "imparting."

- Claire - "Mmmm... it much bigger than I imagined!"
* "It" should be "it's."

Overall though, this was a fairly high quality offering for an indie eroge. I'm really enjoying it so far and looking forward to continuing with the story.

Yep, can't say much about the art or writing... But I'll fix the "it's" and wait for @ASLPro3D about the departing / imparting thing. Anyways, I'm trying to proofread everything @ASLPro3D hands me, but I'm just a german so I won't find everything. I try but sometimes the mistakes just slip me by when I'm reading the whole script for each chapter in one go. So we already got a friendly fan who is helping in that part, but even two people can't find every little thing! What I really want to say is, it's always good if you find something and report it, this way we can fix it. Thanks for that!!

 

[uradamus]

Yep, can't say much about the art or writing... But I'll fix the "it's" and wait for @ASLPro3D about the departing / imparting thing. Anyways, I'm trying to proofread everything @ASLPro3D hands me, but I'm just a german so I won't find everything. I try but sometimes the mistakes just slip me by when I'm reading the whole script for each chapter in one go. So we already got a friendly fan who is helping in that part, but even two people can't find every little thing! What I really want to say is, it's always good if you find something and report it, this way we can fix it. Thanks for that!!

Well, I can't promise anything atm, but I'd probably be willing to help with proofreading. I could probably extract out the scripts after I've made my way through the current content and edit them and generate diff patches you guys can go through and cherry pick the changes you like before applying.

 

[Palanto]

That's an awesome offer, but I'd rather see you enjoy the game than to work your way through the code to fix our mistakes. If you catch something by chance and report it back to us that's great and we're really thankful for that, but we can't ask you to put that much time into it.

 

[ASLPro3D]

Yeah you were very lucky ASLPRO, Palanto liked your project and game after seeing the start. Just ask Veqvil from Love and Submission penedeyewink:.

Indeed, I am quite lucky, though I am not familiar with Veqvil or "Love and Submission". Since taking on this job, I've not had much time to do anything but work, so not sure what you mean by that, but shall take you at your word!

 

[ASLPro3D]

And we don't forget his mother too

Just wait till I had a little very rough fun with Mommy Uncle, no fun when she has no skin left and so messy. :biggrin: After that she is all yours. :evilsmile:

I mean like I want to kill him slowly over the course of a week. While having a horse rape him daily.

If anything, you've at least proven to me that I best watch my step and not piss the three of you off!! x'D

 

[UncleVT]

If anything, you've at least proven to me that I best watch my step and not piss the three of you off!! x'D

Surely you don't want to be in dat list!

 

[ASLPro3D]

Well, I can't promise anything atm, but I'd probably be willing to help with proofreading. I could probably extract out the scripts after I've made my way through the current content and edit them and generate diff patches you guys can go through and cherry pick the changes you like before applying.

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH @uradamus for the kind critique, the offer and for trying our game!!

In regard to the art, I am admittedly a writer, not an artist... I can model, pose and render but honestly would prefer not to and only do so till such time as I can hire a competent and dependable artist to take over for me. I was better at creating the websites, online stores and creating the business plans that many of the sites use than ever doing any of the artwork myself.

As such, early on in rendering, I realized that Poser defaults light emitters that shouldn't be present on ALL objects, while it is true the body does have some natural abilities to reflect light... it does NOT emit light and by the time I had caught my error, I was knee deep in the field of battle trying to keep with deadlines... and going backward to redo images at this moment is not an option, due to time constraints.

Nor, if awarded the opportunity, would I... to be honest.

I am not Bioware, EA, Microsoft Game Studios, Bethesda or any other AAA game company (if only I were!!), we are just 3 people working insane hours and keeping deadlines while also working fulltime jobs to provide entertainment to people... hopefully, people can be somewhat forgiving to our shortcomings because of this and will continue to support us so that we can put people in place to expand, grow and provide BETTER and more professional quality of product in the future.

That said, things have already begun in that direct with @Palanto Games coming onboard, as well as, someone that has come onboard to help edit recently, the clarity in the last couple of month's work is the result of their effort and assistance and has begun to work from our present stuff and is working backwards to cover the issues that my wife, myself or Palanto has missed.

Though, seriously, thank you so much for the offer, it is appreciated!!!

 

[ASLPro3D]

Ah... yes, time to touch on my use of words, the "age" and fossil that I am... lol

I was around before man walked on the moon, when a calculator was an abacus and before there was such a thing as keyboard, which later on would be a musical instrument, that somehow became this thing that, thankful, keeps me from having to use cursive and lined paper... when a "backup" of something meant using a mimeograph that would leave your fingers blue while turning a drum... when "Color" television was a piece of colored cellophane that you stuck to the screen of your television set.

And, where entertainment was found through the use of imagination and between the pages of a good book, borrowed from the local library... or a comic book sold on a spinning rack for 35 cents at the local Rexall drug store in the center of town.

As such, my writing style and choice of words will, no doubt be archaic to some and I most certainly believe there could be easier ways in which to say something... but my craft is my own, my means of conveying a thought, an idea... a world, even, is my own and won't likely change that.

Sure, that may leave some of the younger generation scratching their heads or keeping a dictionary handy nearby... but in an age of "WTF", "Where R U?" and lazy speech, I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing... 1f y0u kn0w wh47 1 m34n!

Nope, not changing my style for anything... it is my fingerprint, my identity and ain't changing that shit for no one! x'D

 

[ASLPro3D]

PLEASE let me make one thing clear, @uradamus, I am not attacking you by any means, so... please, please, please, don't think that I am. Nor am I offended by your comments or suggestions... just trying to clarify who I am, what I am/am not capable of... and some things that I just won't change.

I enjoy hearing your thoughts, and those of others... I am not slighted in the least and hope, that in my replies, that you are not as well.

 

[El bacca Del Chew]

Sure, that may leave some of the younger generation scratching their heads or keeping a dictionary handy nearby

The real "danger", and the inevitable evolution/simplification, of the english language is the fact that it is already the universal language. Thus people like me, non native, butchering your grammar will become the common use.

 

[ASLPro3D]

The real "danger", and the inevitable evolution/simplification, of the english language is the fact that it is already the universal language. Thus people like me, non native, butchering your grammar will become the common use.

What scares me most is works by the world's greatest authors will eventually one day have no meaning to people and their only use will be to keep a fire going for them to stay warm, whilst they sit together sniffing Tide Pods with each other...

 

[El bacca Del Chew]

What scares me most is works by the world's greatest authors will eventually one day have no meaning to people and their only use will be to keep a fire going for them to stay warm, whilst they sit together sniffing Tide Pods with each other...

hear you, but don't think so. This fear was already present in the 18th/19th centuries and the time proved them wrong.
But what surely gonna happen is the lost of the "richesse and finesse" of your language because it became so "popular" and then the creation of new masterpiece would be more hasardous. On a side note but on the topic, for American movies of the 40's/50's i need subtitles, for the 2/3 last decades ones not anymore. Your industry became worldwide and then you adapted every details around/based on it.

 

[Sierra3]

@ASLPro3D
While not quite as 'venerable' as you are, over the last few years I have occasionally needed a 'dictionary' to figure out what the heck some of the people younger than me are saying.

 

[OfficialKeblo]

Looks awesome. You can't say no to those tags.

 

[Ennoch]

I.Want.A.Certain.Purple.Dressed.Married.Nextdoor.Lady!! I want it! Now! Nownownow!!!!:'( *Throws a tantrum because wanna woo, tempt, sway, beguile a sexy married neighbour girl to cheat on her husband with the mc! Wanna be wicked devil with charm!*

 

[ASLPro3D]

@ASLPro3D
While not quite as 'venerable' as you are, over the last few years I have occasionally needed a 'dictionary' to figure out what the heck some of the people younger than me are saying.

LOL these days, I just use Google and hope to hell they got it right! x'D

 

[ASLPro3D]

Looks awesome. You can't say no to those tags.

Thank you, @OfficialKeblo, hope that you enjoy it!

 

[ASLPro3D]

I.Want.A.Certain.Purple.Dressed.Married.Nextdoor.Lady!! I want it! Now! Nownownow!!!!:'( *Throws a tantrum because wanna woo, tempt, sway, beguile a sexy married neighbour girl to cheat on her husband with the mc! Wanna be wicked devil with charm!*

Oh yes, yes indeed, I am looking forward to hearing what interesting, crazy things that they will do with her... and hopefully, inspires the MC into trying the same things with his own wife.

 

[ASLPro3D]

SNEAK PEEK: A Taste of Choices to Come… (April 13, 2018)

Well, the script is all written, the sets and poses all created, and the characters are dressed and ready to embark on the exciting conclusion to “Wicked Choices: Chapter Four”; now begins the task of rendering this large sized conclusion!!

In this epic chapter conclusion, you can expect to find a multitude of choices that you must navigate your way through and where the choices you make start to affect the world around you… there are (truly) no “right” or “wrong” choices… but those you make will certainly determine the outcome in a war that is has long be prophesied and is now approaching.

From a far away and sexually repressed land, Princess Lynara finds herself in an unfamiliar land filled with men and temptation… as she seeks to find the Antichrist.

Will she give in to the lust filled desires that surround her? Or will she remain the innocent, naïve girl that she’s always been? Or… will she find a way to do both?

Only YOU will be able to decide for her… but KNOW, the decisions you have her make can be altering the fate of a world that hangs in the balance! Who will these choices she makes benefit? And, sometimes the most obvious of choice, may or may not help those you think it will.

So… choose wisely, for the fate of the world depends on it!